Top 20 Husband Wife jokes in Hindi. Best jokes on Husband and Wife in Hindi. Platform par dher saara samaan liye khadi ek aurat se coolie ne puchha: Madam, Coolie chahiye? Aurat ne badi vinamrata ke sath jawab diya: Nahin bhaiya, Mere pati mere saath hain!! Husband: Meri shirt ulti karke press karna. Wife: Ok.After 10 minutesHusband: Meri shirt press ki? Wife: Nahi… Husband: Kyun? Wife: Ulti nahin aa rahi hai! Pati: Priye, Kya tum mere sath Yoga Class chalna pasand karogi? Patni: Tum kehna kya chahte ho, main kya moti ho gayi hoon?Pati: Koi baat nahin, Ichcha nahi hai to mat chalo. Patni: Matlab main aalsi hoon?Pati: Arey tum gussa kyun kar rahi ho? Patni: Matlab main hamesha jhagadti hoon! Pati: arey maine aisa kab bola? Patni: Matlab ki main jhoothi hoon! Pati: achcha baba, Main nahin jaata hoon! Patni: Main sab samajthi hoon, Darasal, tum le jana hi nahin chahte the… Pati ne chup rehne mein bhalaayi samjhi aur phir so gaya! Wife ambulance ko 108 per call karti hai.Operator: Aapko kya samasya hai? Wife: Mere pair ki ungli coffee table se takra gayi hai.Operator: haste hue aur iske liye aap ambulance bulana chahati hain. Wife: Nahi, ambulance to mere pati ke liye hai, use hasna nahi chahiye tha naa.. Biwi ko samjhna matlab:32 GB ka koi ek Video 2G network par download karna..aur 31.95 GB download hone ke baad…. Aakhir mein error dikhnaa!!! means…. Impossible!!! Bhari Sardi mein Biwi Bathroom Se Naha Ke Nikli To Uska Pati Use Ghoor Raha Tha!Biwi Romantic Hokar Boli: Kya Iraada Hai? Pati Ne 2 Thappad Maare aur Bola “Mere Garam Pani Se Kyu Nahayi” Apna Baccha roye, toh dil me dard hota hai. Aur doosre ka roye, toh sir me!Apni Biwi roye, toh sir me dard hota hai. Aur doosre ki roye, toh dil me!Sab prabhu ki maya hai! Wife: Janu kya main tumhare sapnon me aati hu. Husband: Nahi. Wife: Kyun? Husband: Main “hanuman chalisa” padh kar sota hun! Wife:Agar meri shaadi kisi ‘Raakshas’ se bhi ho jaati to bhi main itni pareshan nahin hoti, jitni main tumhare saath hoon!Husband: Arrey pagli, Blood relation mein shaadiya kaha hoti hai?Wife trolled! Assistant: “Sir, Aap Office Mein Shadi-Shuda Aadmiyon Ko Hi Kyu Rakhte Ho?”Boss: “Kyunki Unhe Beizzati Sehne Ki Aadat Hoti Hai Aur Ghar Jane Ki Jaldi Bhi Nahi Hoti” Indian wife sanskaro wali hoti hai Wo kabhi sabke samne apne pati ko“Abe Gadhe” aur “Oye Gadhe” ya “Sun Gadhe”nahi bolti Isliye wo short me “A.G. / O.G./ Suno G” Kehti hain.. Shaadi ki function chal raha tha..Pati apni patni ke sath waha pahuncha, Thodi der baad patni ne dekha ki wo kisi mahila se hans-hans kar baat kar raha hai..Patni ne paas aakar kaha: Main ghar pahunch kar, tumhari Garam paani ki sikaayi kar ke Iodex laga dungi!! Pati: Par mujhe chot kaha lagi hai? Patni: Abhi hum ghar bhi kaha pahunche hain? “Apni khud ki galatiyo par hansna aapki umra badha sakta hai!” – Shakespeare“Apni biwi ki galatiyo par hansna aapki umra Ghata bhi sakta hai!” – Shakespeare ki Biwi A man came home late at night after a party.His Wife yelled:how would you feel if you don’t see me for two days? The man couldnt believe his luck, “That Would Be Great” he said. Monday Passed And He Didnt See Her! Tuesday And Wednesday Passed Too !! On Thursday his Swelling became Better And Now He Could See Her From The Corner Of One Eye…… Biwi ne namaaz padhkar dua ke liye haath uthaye, par kuchh nahin manga aur haath neeche kar liye!Shauhar yeh sab dekh raha tha, to puchh baitha.. “Yeh kya? Dua kyun nahin maangi?”Biwi: Maangne hi lagi thi ki “Allah aapki tamaam mushkile khatam kar de” Phir socha, Kahin main hi na mar jaaun! Pati: Aaj khane me kya banaogi? Biwi: Jo tum kaho…Pati: Daal chawal banao Biwi: Abhi kal hi to khaye thePati: To sabji bana lo Biwi: Bahcche nahi khate Pati: fir keema? Biwi: mujhe allergy hai Pati: Parantha? Biwi: Raat ko paranthe kaun khata hai? Pati: Kadhi? Biwi: Dahi nahi hai Pati: Fir kya banaogi? Biwi: JO TUM KAHO! Young Boy: After 70 years, you still address your wife as Darling, Love, Honey! Whats the secret?Old man: Her name slipped from my mind 10 years ago! And i’m scared to ask, what it is? Harr Biwi Ki DuaYa Khuda Mere shohar Ko Tarakki De Dolat de Bangla De Mujhe Kuchh Nahi Chahiye.. Tu Sab Mere shohar Ko de BAKi…. Unse lena mera kaam hai 😀 Pati Patni Mein Zabardast Jhagda Ho Raha Tha,Patni: Kash Main Apni Mom KiBaat Maan Leti Aur Tum Se Shadi Na Karti Pati: Kya Matlab? Tumhari Maa Ne Mujh Se Shadi Karne Ko Mana Kiya Tha? Patni: Haan, Bahut Baar… Pati Rote Hue Bola: Hey Bhagwan, Main Aaj Tak Uss Nek Aurat Ko Kitna Bura Samjhta Raha Jisne Mujhe Bachana Chaha…
Hindi Joke: Chalaak Buddha aur Sharab ka Bar – Hindi Chutkula शराब के उस बार के सामने एक छोटा सा तालाब था। झमाझम बारिश हो रही थी और उस बारिश में पूरा भीगा हुआ एक बुजुर्ग आदमी एक छड़ी पकड़े था जिससे बँधा धागा तालाब के पानी में डूबा हुआ था। एक राहगीर ने उससे पूछा: “क्या कर रहे हो बाबा ?” बुजुर्ग: “मछली पकड़ रहा हूँ।” राहगीर बारिश में भीगे उस बुजुर्ग को देख बहुत दुखी हुआ, बोला: “बाबा, मैं बार में व्हिस्की पीने जा रहा हूँ। आओ तुम्हें भी एक पैग पिलाता हूँ। ऐंसे तो तुम्हे सर्दी लग जायेगी। आओ अंदर चलें। ” बार के गर्म माहौल में बुजुर्ग के साथ व्हिस्की पीते महाशय ने बुजुर्ग से पूछा: “हाँ तो, बाबा, आज कितनी मछलियाँ फसीं ?” बुजुर्ग बोला” तुम आठवीं मछली हो, बेटा! “
Ramu Naukar Best Hindi WhatsApp Jokes रामू जिस घर में काम करता था, उस घर के मालिक की व्हिस्की की बोतल से एक-दो पैग चुराकर पी लेना और फिर उतना ही पानी बोतल में मिला देना, उसकी आदत थी।मालिक को उसपर शक था लेकिन फिर भी उसने कुछ नहीं कहा। लेकिन जब ये रोज की ही बात हो गई तो एक दिन जब मालिक अपनी पत्नी के साथ ड्राइंग रूम में बैठा था, उसने वहीं से अपने नौकर रामू को जोर से आवाज लगाई जो किचन में खाना बना रहा था। मालिक(चिल्लाकर)—” रामू….” रामू(किचन से)—” हाँ….मालिक ? ” मालिक—” मेरी बोतल से किसने व्हिस्की निकालकर पी और फिर पानी मिला दिया है ? ” किचन से कोई जवाब नहीं मिला। मालिक ने फिर अपना प्रश्न दोहराया लेकिन कोई जवाब नहीं मिला। मालिक बेहद गुस्से में किचन में पहुँचा और रामू पर चिल्लाया—” ये क्या हो रहा है ? मैंने जब तेरा नाम लिया तो तूने जवाब दिया लेकिन जब मैंने फिर कुछ पूछा, फिर दोबारा पूछा तो तू जवाब नहीं दे रहा। क्यों ?? ” रामू—” वो ऐंसा है मालिक, कि, इस किचन में आपको आपका सिर्फ नाम ही सुनाई देता है, और कुछ नहीं। ” मालिक—” ये कैसे संभव है ? ठीक है, मैं तुझे गलत साबित करता हूँ। तू जा और ड्राइंग रूम में मालकिन के पास जाकर मुझे आवाज लगा और फिर कुछ और भी पूछ। मैं यहाँ किचन में सुनता हूँ। ” रामू ड्राइंग रूम में मालकिन के पास गया और वहाँ से मालिक को पुकारा—” मालिक…..” मालिक( किचन से )—” हाँ….. रामू ? ” रामू—” अपने घर की नौकरानी को मोबाइल किसने दिलाया ? ” किचन से कोई जवाब नहीं मिला। रामू ने अगला प्रश्न किया, रामू—” और फिर नौकरानी के साथ लांग ड्राइव पर कौन गया था ? ” कोई जवाब नहीं। मालिक किचन से ड्राइंग रूम में आया और बोला, मालिक—” तू सही बोल रहा है रामू। अगर कोई किचन में हो तो उसे पुकारा गया अपना नाम ही बस सुनाई देता है और कुछ नहीं। अजब चमत्कार है , भाई..!!! “
Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. "Damn, he recognised me," he thought. He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour, new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days, saw the salesman again. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a Sardar?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied. !
Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a Thermos flask." The Sardar asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The Sardar says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos. His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a Thermos flask." The boss asks, "What does it do?" He replies, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer,, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office”? “I give it to them,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill”. The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer. Once a preacher was preaching on the theme: I am coming - The final coming of Christ. The church was full and some people were even seated right in front of the pulpit. Unfortunately, at times the priest suffered from memory loss. At one point, he spoke in the person of Christ: “I am coming!” but just then his memory failed him. He couldn’t proceed. He repeated, “I am coming! But still no success. To hide his embarrassment, he hit the railing of the pulpit and shouted once again “I am coming!”. to the horror of al, the railing gave way, and he landed in the lap of a lady sitting below. As the priest apologized to her, she excused him saying: Father, it is not at all your fault. I should have been more careful. In fact you said three times ‘I am coming’. A dieticians was addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode our stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have, or probably will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "The Wedding cake." A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that "JONAH" was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if JONAH went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him". A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year old. After explaining the commandment to "HONOR" thy Father and thy mother," she asked, "is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill." An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?" gasped her mother. "It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him." A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom." The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grownup and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or, 'that's Michael. He's a doctor." A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead." A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet aren't empty Paul: I am late, teacher, I overslept. Teacher: what? You mean to say you sleep at home also? Teacher (to parent): Rahul is naughty and deserve punishment. Parent: Please do not punish Rahul, he is very sensitive. Just slap the boy next to him-he will get the message. On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?" The Lord got so tired of a certain man's prayers that He appeared to him one day and said: "I have decided to give you any three things you ask for. After that I won't give you anything else." Happily the man made his first petition at once. He asked that his wife should die so that he could marry a younger woman. His petition was granted. But when his friends gathered for the funeral, they began to…
Read Best Hindi Jokes, Funny Hindi Jokes Selfie le le re –Ashiqui ki Hadd आशिकी की हद तो देखो एक लड़के की गर्ल फ्रेंड मर गयी तो उस लड़के ने चिता पर लेट कर लड़की के साथ . . सेल्फी खींच कर पोस्ट किया – “Me with My ex girl Friend”. at शमशान घाट – Feeling Sad…!!! with pandit ji & 14 others
Discover the Best Funny friendship one liners Short jokes Check the best funny one liners – short funny sayings which you may use in your stand ups show, talking with friends, parties, informal public speeches. The difference between "Girlfriend" and "Girl Friend" is that little space in between we call the "Friend Zone". Nothing makes you happier than your friend’s failure. Friends come and go. Enemies pile up. You don’t have to have friends; you just have to be friends with them. My friend’s friend is my friend. My friend’s girlfriend is my friend. My friend’s boyfriend is just a scum. I'm having an introvert party and you're all not invited.There are few things I enjoy more than picking an argument with my girlfriend when she has the hiccups. Everyone has a friend who laughs funnier than he jokes I always tell new hires, don't think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you. A friend is like a book: you don’t need to read all of them, just pick the best ones. I would like to know when someone unfriends me on Facebook, so I could like it. It’s a pleasure to see you and another – not to see. Loneliness is when you get an e-mail but it’s from the newsgroup server. ‘Are you threatening me?’ ‘It depends, if you got scared – yes I am; if not – I’m only warning you…’ I found out about you from my last nightmare. Maybe you need a ladder to climb out of my business? I like the sound of you not talking. Sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can fall together. Marilyn Monroe I’m not a Facebook status, you don’t have to like me. I don‘t care what was said about me. Just tell me why they were so comfortable to say it to you. I found your nose in my business again. Some people only gets called by their nicknames. Usually it sounds weird to even say their real name. Don’t tell a lot about yourself, behind your back will tell more interestingly about you. If you can’t get someone out of your head then maybe they’re supposed TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically. Friends wave red flags when you have a bad idea. Real friends pick up a camera. One Line Friendship Status for Whatsapp Here are some best lines about True friendship and friends. Friendship the strong relation between two friends. It is the relation which destiny decides you to meet each other. A true friend will surely find a reason to love you even when you have done something that you cannot mend….! Don’t count how many new friends you can make. Count how many old friends you can keep. The most important part about reaching the highest point in friendship.. isn’t getting to the top, it’s staying there. It’s not an achievement to make 100 friends in a year…but an achievement is when you make a friend for 100 years…!!! Friendship is not a big fire which burns all day…It’s a small lamp, that burns till the last day of life.!!! Being a friend is not just sharing a joke..a conversation, a cup of coffee or a funny story. It means sharing an honest and true part of yourself…!!! Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born…!!! There is a gift that gold cannot buy a blessing that’s rare and true… That’s the gift of a wonderful friend like the friend I have in you…!!!! A true friend is the one who knows more about you than yourself and still loves you…!!!! FRiEND in different languages… Iranian – DOST German – FREUND Herbew – CHAVERO French- AMi Pinoy – KAiBiGAN Dutch – VREND Mexican – AMiGO For me.. just simply “YOU” Friendship is not the collection of hearts but it is selection of hearts All friends are not true But true friends are very few which include YOU. If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn’t jump with them, I would be at the bottom to catch them Another month, another year. . Another smile, another tear. . Another winter and another summer too But there can never be another you. A single candle can illuminate an entire room. A true friend lights up an entire lifetime. Thanks for the bright lights of your friendship. Friendship Day Messages This Friendship Day honour your friends and let them know how special they are to you with a cute and heartfelt Friendship Day Message. If you open my heart, guess what u r gonna see? It's U. True friends are hard to find so I kept u. FRIENDSHIP isn’t how U forGet but how U forGive, Not how U liSten but how U UnderStand, Not what U see but how U feel, and not how U Let Go but how U hold oN!!! HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY!! If u r a chocolate ur the sweetest, if u r a Teddy Bear u r the most huggable, If u r a Star u r the Brightest, and since u r my "FRIEND" u r the "BEST"!!!!!!!!! I thank and praise god for every memory of yours You are stalwart and sunshine in the valley of life May god continues to strengthen you with might May He lights your path in every alley or night And bless you with grace that is never ceasing. Sometimes, I forget to say hi, Sometimes, I even miss to reply, Sometimes, my message doesn't reach you, But, it doesn't mean that I forget you, I just giving you time to miss me!
Funny Quotes, Thoughts and One-Liners! Funny One Liner Jokes If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other. Relationships are like fat people... Most of them don't work out. I'm in shape... Unfortunately, it's the shape of a potato. I failed my driver's test today. The instructor asked me "What do you do at a red light?" I said "I usually check my emails and see what people are up to on Facebook." Old people at weddings always poke me and say "you're next". So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. Running away doesn't help you with your problems... unless you're fat. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood. I changed all my passwords to "incorrect", so that whenever I forget, it will tell me, "Your password is incorrect." Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant. Therefore, chocolate is salad. I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems. People say love is the best feeling, but I think finding a toilet when you've got diarrhea is better. Damn, I forgot to go to the gym today. That's 10 years in a row now... Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug. Saw some footage of polar bears drinking water today. It's obviously fake, everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola. "Don't kid yourself" would be a great slogan for a condom company. If you were home alone, and you heard a fart, would you be scared or laugh? Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to...Unless you're in prison! Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons. If I die in my sleep, at least I can actually say that I died doing what I loved. Dear rappers, please stop putting sirens in your songs. When I'm driving, it scares the crap out of me. Never give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping. If your boyfriend remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs. Do bankruptcy lawyers really expect to be paid? I'm going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding. My wife left me for a Hindu guy. At least he'll treat her better... they worship cows. If only God can judge us than Santa has some explaining to do. Don't be racist, be like Super Mario. He's an Italian plumber, created by Japanese people, who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican. Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection! I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face! Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Weight Matters A wife walks into the bathroom. Her husband is standing on the scale, sucking in his gut. She knows he’s trying to lose weight. She says, “Honey, I doubt if that’s going to help.” He replies, “Of course it helps. This way I can see the numbers.”
Marriage one liners, one liners joke, short joke, marraige joke Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number? My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Childs experience: if a mother is laughing at the fathers jokes, it means they have guests. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. I need to start paying closer attention to stuff. Found out today my wife and I have separate names for the cat. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery. Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. (Benjamin Franklin) My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the carburettor'. I said, 'Where's the car?' She said, 'In the lake.' Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. Brigands demand your money or your life, women require both. Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. Every time you talk to your wife, your mind should remember that... 'This conversation will be recorded for Training and Quality purpose' I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months- I don't like to interrupt her. Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing. What's the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck. I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married they send over a lady in a housecoat and curlers to burn my toast for me. My wife is a light eater ... as soon as it's light, she starts to eat. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man. After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.' The husband replied, 'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her. Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends. A husband said to his wife, 'No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine. A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, 'OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death. How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free. A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. hat's the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me. You should argue with your wife only when she's not around. My husband is on the roof - only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life. You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets. My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. Husbands are like fires, they go out when unattended. It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. I never mind my wife having the last word. In fact, I'm delighted when she gets to it.
Intelligent Student ka dhansu jawaab टीचर छात्र से: आयात और निर्यात का एक अच्छा सा उदाहरण बताओ. छात्र: सोनिया गांधी और सानिया मिर्ज़ा.. टीचर: तुम्हारे चरण कहाँ हैं बेटा । Gaanv ke School ke bachche गाँव के एक विद्यालय से…. अध्यापक: 15th अगस्त को हमे क्या मिली थी ? छात्र: माड़साहब….”नुक्ति” ………. अगर सही जवाब आपको भी नह पता, तो मैं बताता हूँ! – आज़ादी When Raju asked his friend Ramu to tell the exam result in code words – (Very funny joke in Hindi) Raju ne apne dost Ramu se kahaa – “yaar tu college se mera result dekh kar aana aur mujhe ghar par aakar bataa jaana, par dekh, ghar par mere mommy-papa honge isliye, agar main 1 subject mein fail hua to kehna – Jai Shri Ram agar main 2 subject mein fail hua to kehna – Jai Shri Krishna agar main 3 subject mein fail hua to kehna – Brahma Vishnu Mahesh kee Jai … Bas main samajh jaauunga … OK ! . . Shaam ko Ramu result dekh kar Raju ke ghar aaya aur bola – “BOLO SAARE DEVI-DEVTAAO KI JAI !” Bhopali Student Answers in the class Madam – Surya ke paas kaunsa planet hai ? Bhopali Student – Ek minute bata riya hoon … Madam – Jaldi bataao ? Bhopali Student – Bata riya hoon, Mar-Kyuun-Ree (Mercury) hai ? Madam – Shabash, Baith jaao … Netaji Ka beta Medical College Mein Ek netaji ke bete ka admission medical college mein ho gaya. Pahle hi din professor ne poochha – “agar koi vyakti behosh ho jaaye to kya karoge ?” Netaji ka beta – “use thoda paani pilaane kee koshish karuunga …” Professor – “aur agar paani na mile to ?” Netaji ka beta – “to aashvaasan hee de duunga ki tumhe jaldi hi paani pilaya jaayega … !”
Bahu ka Affair Bahu Ka Pahila Affair Sunne Ke Baad Sasur Ne Bahu Ko Mara! Dusra Afair Pata Lagne Par Pati Ne Mara Lekin Saas Har Bar Chup Rahi Kyun?? Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi..!! ——————————————– Pagal Bahu Saas Bahu Se:Aaj Se Tum Muje MAA Or Saaur Ko PAPA Kehna Bahu:Samajh Gai Sham Ko uska Pati Ghar Aya 2 Boli: Maa! Bhaiyya Ghar Aa gaye hai.. ——————————————– Saas ki kamjor aankhe Saas (bahu se): Bhagwan ne tumhe 2-2 aankhe di. Chawal me se 2-4 pathhar nahi nikal sakti kya. Bahu: Very funny! Bhagwan ne tumhe 32 daant diye 2-4 pathhar bhi nahi chaba sakti ? ——————————————– Bahu ka Saas se sawal Dekho Saasu maa Sabhi kahte hai yeh tumare ghar ki bahu hai !! Koi yeh kyun nahi kahta ki yeh tumare ghar ki bahu ks ghar hai
Ek Admi Ne Apni Saas Ke paas Saanp ko Baithe Dekha Aadmi-Meri Saas Ko Dass Lo. Saanp-Abay Kya Dass loon Main To Khud Is Se Zehar EASY LOAD Kerwane Aata Hoon. शादी के बाद पहली बार बहू रसोई मे गई और रेसिपी बुक में पढ़कर खाना बना रही थी । सास बाहर से घर लौटी, फ्रिज खोला, अन्दर देखकर चकराई और पूछा: "ये मन्दिर का घण्टा फ्रिज में क्यों रखा है ?" बहू : "किताब में लिखा है, सब चीजों का मिश्रण कर लें और एक घण्टा फ्रिज में रखें ।" 😄😂 Another graduate from IIN..
SANTA:Lalaji dettol soap hai, Lala:ha, santa:acha vala hai, Lala:ha, Santa: achi quality ka hai, Lala:ha bhai ha, Santa: thik hai hath dhokr 1kg aata do.. Santa: Sharab pite pite rone laga Banta: Kya hua kyo ro rahe ho? Santa: Yaar ki kara jis ladki ko bhulane k liye pi raha tha,uska naam yaad nhi aa raha hai Santa 2 doctor-apne kaha tha ki subah khelne se sehat thik rehti hai pr muje to koi fark nai pada? doctor-konsa game khelteho? santa-mobile mai snake wala Banta Cigratte pe 2 metre pipe laga kr pe raha tha. Santa : Tu pipe laga kar cig Q pe raha hai Banta: Doctor ne kaha, Cig-Bidi se dur rehna.
अक्ल बाटने लगे विधाता, लंबी लगी कतारें । सभी आदमी खड़े हुए थे, कहीं नहीं थी नारें । सभी नारियाँ कहाँ रह गई. था ये अचरज भारी । पता चला ब्यूटी पार्लर में, पहुँच गई थी सारी। मेकअप की थी गहन प्रक्रिया, एक एक पर भारी । बैठी थीं कुछ इंतजार में, कब आएगी बारी । उधर विधाता ने पुरूषों में, अक्ल बाँट दी सारी । ब्यूटी पार्लर से फुर्सत पाकर, जब पहुँची सब नारी । बोर्ड लगा था स्टॉक ख़त्म है, नहीं अक्ल अब बाकी । रोने लगी सभी महिलाएं , नींद खुली ब्रह्मा की । पूछा कैसा शोर हो रहा है, ब्रह्मलोक के द्वारे ? पता चला कि स्टॉक अक्लका, पुरुष ले गए सारे । ब्रह्मा जी ने कहा देवियों , बहुत देर कर दी है । जितनीभी थी अक्ल वो मैंने, पुरुषों में भर दी है । लगी चीखने महिलाये , ये कैसा न्याय तुम्हारा? कुछ भी करो हमें तो चाहिए. आधा भाग हमारा । पुरुषो में शारीरिक बल है, हम ठहरी अबलाएं । अक्ल हमारे लिए जरुरी , निज रक्षा कर पाएं । सोचकर दाढ़ी सहलाकर , तब बोले ब्रह्मा जी । एक वरदान तुम्हे देता हूँ , अब हो जाओ राजी । थोड़ी सी भी हँसी तुम्हारी , रहे पुरुष पर भारी । कितना भी वह अक्लमंद हो, अक्ल जायेगी मारी । एक औरत ने तर्क दिया, मुश्किल बहुत होती है। हंसने से ज्यादा महिलाये, जीवन भर रोती है । ब्रह्मा बोले यही कार्य तब, रोना भी कर देगा । औरत का रोना भी नर की, अक्ल हर लेगा । एक अधेड़ बोली बाबा , हंसना रोना नहीं आता । झगड़े में है सिद्धहस्त हम, खूब झगड़ना भाता । ब्रह्मा बोले चलो मान ली, यह भी बात तुम्हारी । झगडे के आगे भी नर की, अक्ल जायेगी मारी । ब्रह्मा बोले सुनो ध्यान से, अंतिम वचन हमारा । तीन शस्त्र अब तुम्हे दिए. पूरा न्याय हमारा । इन अचूक शस्त्रों में भी, जो मानव नहीं फंसेगा ।निश्चित समझो, उसका घर नहीं बसेगा । कहे कवि मित्र ध्यान से, सुन लो बात हमारी । बिना अक्ल के भी होती है, नर पर नारी भारी।