Being Late Jokes - Short Funny fooce Jokes, Late for Meeting jokes, Being Late Jokes, office jokes, Funny Excuses jokes 1. I most likely will not be coming in today, I've spent my last dime playing online bingo and I don't have any money left for the bus ride. I'll try to win it back today while I'm off! 2. You should have told me to be here on time. 3. I won't be in to work today on time. My brain is full. 4. I super-glued my eye thinking it was contact solution. 5. When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax tablets in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the commode, but I feel really good about it. 6. That's all right, it's not my fault; all I need is some more training. 7. I got locked in my trunk by my son. 8. They’re always ringing the bell before I get there. 9. I saw a sign that read School Ahead. Go Slow., so I did. 10. My watch was set to Tokyo time. 11. I had to feed my pet piranha. 12. My alarm clock kept going off while I was asleep. 13. Sorry–usually my punctuation skills are excellent. 14. I was dreaming about a b-ball game, and it went into overtime. 15. I’M on time–everyone else is early. 16. I told you if i wasn’t here, you should go ahead and start without me. 17. What? I thought this place was open until three thirty! 18. I won't be coming in to work today. My wife informed me that she is going to conceive today, and I really want to be there when it happens. 19. I was abducted by aliens. After being transported to the mother ship, the aliens decided not to suck out my brains. They sent me back home. 20. I put some miracle grow on my chia pet last night and this morning....well, have you ever seen The Day of the Triffids? 21. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant. 22. My car ran out of gas on the way to work. I had to push it to a gas station. I think I got a stomach hernia and I have to go to see a doctor. 23. My heat was shut off so I had to stay home to keep my snake warm. 24. Do you know how long it takes to give a dollar to every Santa you see? 25. I can’t come to work today because my cat is very lonely and stressed out. If I don't spend some quality time with him, he will keep peeing on the furniture! 26. I’m late because my dad was punishing my younger brother. He was beating him with my shoes. 27. I won't be able to be at work next week . Me and the Mrs. are trying for a baby and the doc says next week is our best chance. 28. My dog died and I had to take him to the vet to get cremated. 29. The line was too long at Starbucks. 30. I was up all night arguing with God. 31. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information. 32. I had to feed my pet piranha. 33. I wasn’t thinking and accidentally went to my old job. 34. I was taking a telephone survey and lost track of the time. 35. I saw a fire truck as I was coming to work and went home to make sure my house wasn’t on fire. 36. I tried to catch the newspaper from the paperboy and the car keys flew out of my hand and over into the bushes, so, I had to search for 20 minutes just to find them. 37. I was losing my mind this morning. It took me a half hour to find it. 38. It’s all Obama’s fault. He’s responsible for everything that is going wrong in the world. At least that’s what my dad tells me. You wouldn’t want to disagree with my dad. He’s six feet tall and weighs two hundred forty pounds. He’d pound you for sure. 39. My husband thinks it's funny to hide my car keys before he goes to work. 40. I've used up all of my sick days so I'm calling in dead.