Indian Father and Son School Joke

😃😭😁😢😃😁😁😁😃😜

पापा, मुझे स्कूल छोड़ने आप क्यों आते हो?

बाकी सब बच्चों को छोड़ने तो उनकी मम्मी आती हैं!!!

पापा: बस बेटा,

इसीलिए…

😁😃😜😭😃😁😁😃😃😃

Very Funny Kid Joke in Hindi

पति: अरे सुनो, मुन्ना रो रहा है चुप कराओ इसे।

पत्नी (गुस्से में):
मैं काम करू या बच्चे संभालू,
मैं इसे दहेज़ में नहीं लायी थी, खुद ही चुप करा लो।

पति : फिर रोने दे…
मैं कौनसा इसे बारात में लेकर गया था..:)

The best kids jokes -Funny Kids Jokes

Here are some best kids jokesFunny Kids Jokes

policeman caught a nasty little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other.

“Now listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever yo do to that poor, defenceless creature I shall personally do to you”
“In that case,” said the boy, “I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go”

 

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.” Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, “My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?” She looks into his eyes and says calmly, “No, I’m your son’s teacher.”

 

Ek chota baccha bahut der se ghar ke bahar khada darwaje ki ghanti bajane ki kosish kar raha tha.Toh ek budha aadmi aaya aur kaha:

Budha aadmi: Kya kar rahe ho beta?

Baccha: Uncle, yeh ghanti bajana chahta hoon.

 

Budha aadmi (ghanti bajake): Yeh lo bajgaya, ab kya hai?

Baccha: Ab bhago!

Class ke funny students – Joke

एक क्लास में एक लड़की को सब बुआ-बुआ कहते थे…..✔

एक दिन इस की शिकायत ऊसने अपने टीचर से कर दी……

टीचर ने सब लडको से पूछा ….

जो लड़के इस को बुआ कहते है वो सभी खडे हो जाए…….

एक लड़के को छोड के सभी खडे हो गये…..

टीचर ने पुछा……क्या तुम इस को बुआ नहीं कहते हो …

लड़का बोला…… सर मु तो फूफाजी हूँ……..

 

HINDI BACHCHA JOKES, बच्चा रो रहा है जरा पों-पों बजा दो

एक औरत ने तेजी से आ रही बस को हाथ दिखाकर रोका

ड्राइवर ने अचानक ब्रेक मारा और पूछा-
कहां जाना है

औरत बोली- जाना कहीं नहीं है..
बच्चा रो रहा है जरा पों-पों बजा दो.

Teacher and Student Joke : what does the chicken give you?

Teacher and Student Joke : what does the chicken give you?

 

Teacher: “Kids,what does the chicken give you?”
Student: “Meat!”
Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pig give you?”
Student: “Bacon!”
Teacher: “Great! And what does the fat cow give you?”
Student: “Homework!”

A child asked his father, “How were people born?”

Funny Kids Joke – A child asked his father

A child asked his father, “How were people born?”

father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and

she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.”

The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!”

His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

पिता ( बेटे से ) – देखों बेटे , जुआ नहीं खेलते..

पिता ( बेटे से ) – देखों बेटे , जुआ नहीं खेलते | यह ऐसी आदत हैं कि यदि इसमें आज जीतोगे तो कल हारोगे , परसों जीतोगे तो उससे अगले दिन हार जाओगे |

बेटा – बस , पिताजी ! मैं समझ गया , आगे से मैं एक दिन छौड़कर खेला करूंगा |

तुम चीनी भाषा पढ सकते..

एक बच्चे ने दूसरे बच्चे से पूछा – क्या तुम चीनी भाषा पढ सकते हो ?

दूसरे बच्चे ने कहा – हां , अगर वह हिंदी तथा अंग्रेजी में लिखी हो तो….

परियों के पंख होते हैं..

छोटी – सी लड़की ने अपनी मां से पूछा – मम्मी , तुमने कहा था ना कि परियों के पंख होते हैं और वह उड़ सकती हैं ना ?

मम्मी – हां बेटी , कहा था |

लड़की – कल रात डैडी आया को कह रहे थे कि वह तो परी हैं | वह कब उड़ेगी मम्मी ?

मम्मी ( छोटी सी लड़की से ) – सुबह होते ही उड़ जाएगी बेटी |

मम्मा क्या मैं भगवान की तरह..

बच्चा – मम्मा क्या मैं भगवान की तरह दिखता हूं ?

मम्मी – नहीं , पर तुम ऐसा क्यों पूछ रहे हो बेटा |

बच्चा – क्योंकि मम्मा मैं कहीं भी जाता हूं तो सब यही कहते हैं कि हे भगवान फिर आ गया |

How to kill an ant?Asked in an Exam for 10 Marks!! Student Joke

  • Question: “How to kill an ant?Asked in an Exam for 10 Marks!!

Student:Mix Chilly Powder with  Sugar,& keep It Outside the Ant’s Hole..! After eating, Ant will Search for some Water near a Water tank.Push ant in to it.. =!! Now Ant will go to Dry itself Near Fire,When it Reaches fire, Put a Bomb into D fire..!! Then Admit Wounded Ant in ICU..!!  And Then Remove Oxygen Mask from it’s Mouth and Kill the Ant.. !!

MORAL:

Don’t Play with Students.. !!

They can do any thing for 15 Marks..

मास्टर ने पूछे गणित के सवाल – Joke

मास्टर जी ने सरदार स्टूडेंट से पूछे गणित के सवाल
मास्टर –दो में से दो गए कितने बचे ?
सरदार—समझ में नहीं आया
मास्टर जी
मास्टर—बेटा समझो तुम्हारे पास
दो रोटी हे,
तुमने वो दो रोटी खा ली बताओ तुम्हारे पास क्या बचा
सरदार– ” सब्जी

English Whatsapp #Jokes 2016

2017 English Whatsapp Jokes , Funny WhatsApp Jokes in English, best collection of  WhatsApp Jokes in English, English Whatsapp #Jokes

Funny English Joke: The Ugliest Baby

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, “Ugh! That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”

The woman stalks off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says, “You go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

Funny English Joke: Before the problems start!

A man walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer before the problems start!”

He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, “Give me a beer before the problems start!”

The bartender looks confused but gives him another beer.

This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, “When are you going to pay for these beers?”

The man answers, “Now the problems start!”

 

Funny English Joke:  Twins

 

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ‘Amal.’

The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan’. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, ”But they are twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

Couple in a Restaurant – English Joke

Husband and wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant…

As the food was served, Husband said:
“The Food looks delicious, let’s eat.”

Wife: Honey.. You say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That’s at home sweetheart… Here the chef knows how to cook.

Wife wants to relax today!

Wife:
Today, I want to relax,
so I have brought three movie tickets.

Husband: why three tickets?

Wife: you and your parents. 😀

 

Two men are discussing their lives. One says, “I’m getting married. I’m sick of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear.” The other one says, “Hey, I’m getting divorced for the same reasons.”


Accidents outside work place

Employee: Boss, I’ve got married. Can I get a pay rise?

Boss: We do not compensate for the accidents that happen outside of the work place.


English Joke: Wife Wanted

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.” Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”


The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
————————-
Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.
————————-
A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, “Bow-wow!” The cat ran away. “What was that, Father?” asked Baby Mouse. “Well, son, that’s why it’s important to learn a second language.”
————————-
My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him “What was the name of his other leg?”
————————-
The doctor to the patient: ‘You are very sick’
The patient to the doctor: ‘Can I get a second opinion?’
The doctor again: ‘Yes, you are very ugly too…’
————————-
A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.”
The doctor asks, “What do you mean?”
The man says, “When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee – OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.”
The doctor says, “I know what’s wrong with you – you’ve broken your finger!”
————————-
Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.
————————-
Patient: Doctor! You’ve got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
Doctor: Next please!
————————-
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”

One boy answers, “We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.”

“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher, “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.”

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
————————-
Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it.
Waitress: Oh, that’s okay. The soup isn’t hot.

English Whatsapp Jokes , Funny WhatsApp Jokes in English, best collection of  WhatsApp Jokes in English

“No I just wanted to make sure u got my 1st message.”

Husband sent a text to wife at night,
“Hi I will get late, plz try and wash all my dirty clothes
And make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return.”
He sent another text, “I forgot to tell u that I got an increase in
My salary at the end of month I’m getting u a new car”
She text back, “Omg really?”
Husband Replied: “No I just wanted to make sure u got my 1st msg.”

 

A man is in a hotel lobby – English Joke

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, “Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.” She replies, “if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 1221.”

 

A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, “Honey, if I died would you get married again?” The husband said, “No sweetie.” The woman said, “I’m sure you would.” So the man said, “Okay, I would” Then the woman asked, “Would you let her sleep in our bed?” And the man replied, “Ya, I guess so.” Then the wife asked, “Would you let her use my golf clubs?” And the husband replied, “No, she’s left handed.”

Top Funny Jokes for English

 

Husband brings the child home from kindergarten and asks his wife, “He’s been crying the whole way home. Isn’t he sick or something?” “No,” replies the wife, “he was just trying to tell you he isn’t our son John”

 

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site.”

 

As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife. She turns over and says, “I’m sorry, honey. I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh.” The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. “Do you have a dentist appointment, too?

English Whatsapp Jokes , Funny WhatsApp Jokes in English, best collection of  WhatsApp Jokes in English

 

On their 25th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Joseph was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. “Tell us Joseph, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?” Joseph responds, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single.”

 

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.” Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”

 

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

 

 

 

 

Teacher Student Jokes in Hindi – वतन के लिये जान दे देंगे

शिक्षिका – बच्चों वादा करो,
“कभी शराब नहीं पीयोंगे…”
.
बच्चे – “नहीं पीयेंगे…”
.
शिक्षिका – “कभी सिगरेट नहीं पिओगे…”
.
बच्चे – “नहीं पियेंगे…”
.
शिक्षिका – “लड़कियों से दोस्ती नहीं करोंगे…”
.
बच्चे – “नहीं करेंगे…”
.
शिक्षिका – “वतन के लिये जान दे दोगे…”
.
(सारे बच्चे जोर से बोले…)
“दे देंगे..”
“दे देंगे…”
.
साली ऐसी जिंदगी का करेंगे भी क्या… !!!

बेटा : पापा आप इंजिनियर कैसे बने ?? – Hindi #Joke

बेटा : पापा आप इंजिनियर कैसे बने ??
.
.
पापा : बेटा, उसके लिये बहूत दिमाग की ज़रूरत पड़ती हैं अौर बहुत मेहनत से पढा़ई करनी होती है !
.
.
.
बेटा-: हां, जानता हूं, इसीलिये ही तो पूछ रहा हूँ,
कि आप इंजिनियर कैसे बने..??
.
पापा : …….. 😨😡😠😨
………दे थप्पड़…😛😛😛

Student ka shandaar jawab – Nice School Joke

Student ka shandaar jawab – Nice School Joke

हिंदी का पीरियड था..

मास्टर ने पूछा:
कविता और निबंध मैं क्या अंतर है

स्टूडेंट:
प्रेमिका के मुंह से निकला एक शब्द भी कविता होता है
और
पत्नी का एक ही शब्द निबंध के समान होता है

मास्टर के आंख मैं आंसू आ गए,
गला भर आया..
उन्होने उस लड़के को क्लास का मानीटर बनाया ।