Wife’s Punishment -Husbend wife joke

Ek din husband apne marriage certificate ko lekar 4-5 hours tak use dekhte hue baitha hua rehta hai.

Wife: kya baat hai jaan aaj app apne shadi wale din ko yaad kar rahe ho kya??

Husband : Nahi, mai to yeh dekh raha hu ke is par Expiray Date Kahan hai

☺☺☺☺☺

The Two Drunks And A Hot Dog – Fuuny drunk joke

One night two drunks were wandering the town trying to get drinks, but between the two of them, they only had a dollar and change. So the first drunk says, “Hey, I’ve got an idea – we put our money together and buy a hot dog.”

The second drunk, looking at him puzzled, says, “What the hell? I don’t want a hot dog; I want a goddamn drink!”

The first says, “I know. We buy the hot dog, stick it down the front of my pants, go into a bar and order our drinks. When the bartender tells us the price, you drop to your knees and suck the hot dog like you’re sucking my dick – and the bartender will throw us out and we won’t have to pay for anything!”

The second drunk says, “Well, it sounds like a good enough idea to me.”

So they buy the hot dog and the first drunk sticks it down his pants. They go into a bar, order two whiskeys, and when the bartender tells them the price, the second drunk drops to his knees and sucks on the hot dog. The bartender throws them out and tells them not to come back.

The drunks go on to hit 19 bars. Finally, the second drunk says, “We’ve got to switch places ’cause my knees hurt from dropping to the floor.”

The first drunk says, “You think that’s bad? I lost the hot dog in the third bar!”

हिंदी जोक्स ~ Funny Hindi Jokes

 हिंदी जोक्स ~ Funny Hindi Jokes : चिंटू तुम कल स्कूल क्यों नहीं आए..

 

अध्यापक – चिंटू तुम कल स्कूल क्यों नहीं आए ?

चिंटू – सर , कल मैं सपने में अमरीका चला गया था |

अध्यापक – ठीक है ! पिन्टू तुम क्यों नहीं आए ?

पिन्टू – सर , मैं चिंटू को एयरपोर्ट छोडने गया था |

 

हिंदी जोक्स ~ Funny Hindi Jokes  हम लड़कियां पढ़ाकू होती हैं Padhaku Ladkiya Jokes

लड़की – लड़के तो नालायक होते हैं
हम लड़कियां पढ़ाकू होती हैं

लड़का – लड़के भी किसी से कम नहीं होते

लड़की – लड़कियां आगे हैं

लड़का – अच्छा एक सवाल का जवाब बता

लड़की – हाँ पूछो

लड़का – ऐसी क्या चीज़ है
जो फ्रिज में रखने पर भी गर्म ही रहती है

लड़की – पता नहीं

लड़का – गरम मसाला
देखा हम किसी से कम नहीं

हिंदी जोक्स ~ Funny Hindi Jokes  एक बार एक मरीज डॉक्टर के पास गया…

एक बार एक मरीज डॉक्टर के पास गया और बोला- डॉक्टर साहब ! मुझे एक के दो दिखाई देते हैं |

डॉक्टर ने चश्मा उतारते हुए पूछा – क्या आप चारों को यह बीमारी है?

डॉक्टर का नौकर बोला – यहा तो एक ही मरीज है ,

डॉक्टर- लेकिन मुझे तो ये चार मरीज दिख रहे हैं |

डॉक्टर का नौकर बोला- साहब ! आपको चश्मा उतारते ही चार दिखने की बीमारी जो हैं |

 

हिंदी जोक्स ~ Funny Hindi Jokes   एक छात्र ने गणित के अध्यापक से कहा..

एक छात्र ने गणित के अध्यापक से कहा – सर ! अंग्रेजी के अध्यापक तो अंग्रेजी में बातें करते है | आप भी गणित में बात क्यों नहीं करतें ?

गणित अध्यापक – ज्यादा तीन पांच न कर फोरन नौ -दो ग्यारह हो जा , नहीं तो चार पांच रख दूगां तो छठी का दूध याद आ जाएगा |

 

Husband wife marriage certificate Joke 

Wife: “What are you doing?” Husband : Nothing.

Wife : “Nothing…? You’ve been reading our marriage

certificate for an hour.”

Husband : “I was looking for the expiration date.”

Funny Hindi Jokes – collection of Hindi jokes 

Papa ka beta – Hindi joke 

👨पापा – “बेटा, आजतेरी मम्मी इतनी चुप-चुप क्यों बैठी है ?”

👦बेटा – “मेरी गलती से

👨पापा – “नालायक,

ऐसा क्या किया तूने ?”

👦बेटा – “मम्मी ने लिपस्टिक

मांगी थी … मैंने गलती से ‘फेवीकिक दे

दी !!!”

👨पापा – “जुग-जुग जियो मेरे लाल …

भगवान ऐसा बेटा सबको दे

😂😝😜😝😝😝😝

Husband and Wife Shareing : Funny Hindi joke

पत्नी: क्या तुम मेरी तरह सब चीज मेरे साथ शेयर नहीं कर सकते ????😡
पति: अब क्या हुआ ??😳
पत्नी: तुम बहुत स्वार्थी हो 😪
पति: भगवान के वास्ते अब बातओ भी , हुआ क्या है ?😰
पत्नी: वो जो तुम्हारे लैप टॉप में एक फोल्डर है ” My Documents” 
तुम उसका नाम ” Our Documents” भी तो रख सकते थे न 😭

I Hate You ….

Husband wife joke Hindi अब ये भी पति की गलती है 👌

पत्नी :- 

मेरी ये समझ में नहीं आता की कई साल से मैं करवा चौथ का व्रत नहीं रख रही 

फिर भी तुम पूर्ण स्वस्थ कैसे रहे हो।
पति :- 

मैं बहुत नियम संयम से रहता हूँ इसलिए।
पत्नी :- 

मुझे बेवक़ूफ़ समझ रखा है क्या ? 

सच सच बताओ वह कौन है 

जो तुम्हारे लिए करवा चौथ का व्रत रखती है 
😀😜😛

Student teacher joke 

टीचर: तुमने कभी कोई नेक काम किया है? 

.

Harsh-हाँ सर.. एक बुजुर्ग धीरे धीरे अपने घर जा रहे थे..

मैंने कुत्ता पीछे लगा दिया… जल्दी पहुँच गया😆😂😝😜
Funny husband wife joke 

पत्नी ने ऊँगली के इशारे से पति को बुलाया..

.

पति : बोल क्या काम है !

.

पत्नी : कुछ नहीं बस ऊँगली की ताकत चेक कर रही थी !!😄😄😄😄😄😄😄

Husband and Wife fighting joke 

पति और पत्नी का ज़ोरदार झगड़ा होता है।
पति गुस्से से: तेरी जैसी 50 मिलेंगी!!!
पत्नी हंसके: अभी भी मेरी जैसी ही चाहिए!!!

😂🤣😆

Husband wife funny Hindi joke- Bimar pati 

पत्नी बीमार पति को डाक्टर के पास ले गयी.
डाक्टर ने कहा :

इनको अच्छा खाना दो,

हमेशा खुश रखो, घर की कोई भी प्राब्लम इनसे डिसकस ना करो,

फाल्तू की फरमाइशें करके इनकी चिंताये मत बढ़ाओ ,

तो ये छ महीने में ठीक हो जायेंगे.
रास्ते में पति ने पत्नी से पूछा:

क्या कहा डाक्टर ने ?
पत्नी बोली:

कुछ नही, अब डाक्टर ने भी जवाब दे दिया है

Funny Hindi jokes 

Departure Instructions Note from Wife to Husband

I am going to My Mom’s Place for 6-7 days with kids & these are the instructions and warning for you..

1 – No need to call your friends and cousins. 

Last time I got 4 large pizza bills beneath the sofa…
2 – Don’t forget mobile on the soap holder in the bathroom like last time… 

Why would anyone need a mobile in the bathroom.??
3 – Keep your specs in the box.. 

Last time around it was found in the refrigerator.
4 – Salary already paid to maid. 

No need to be extra generous.
5 – Don’t disturb neighbors early in the morning asking if they have got newspaper or not?? 

Our newspaper vendor is different from theirs.. 

And our laundry person and milkman are also different.
6 – Your Underwear are on left side of wardrobe and on right side are kid’s…

Like last time, don’t say I was uncomfortable at work….
7 – All reports have been checked and you are alright. 

No need to go to that lady doctor again and again.
8 – My sister and Bhabhi’s birthdays have gone last month which you already attended. 

No need to go to them at midnight and wish belated happy birthday..
9 – Have cut off WiFi for 10 days. 

So sleep early….
10 – Stop smiling and being happy… 

as Mrs. Khanna, Mrs. Avasthi, Mrs. Kulkarni, Mrs. Trivedi, Mrs. Ansari, Mrs. Rastogi, Mrs. Chatteerjee… 

They all will be out of station in this period….
And last but not the least.
11 – Don’t try to be oversmart.. 

I will be back anytime without informing you. 

😜😉😂

Very Funny Kid Joke in Hindi

पति: अरे सुनो, मुन्ना रो रहा है चुप कराओ इसे।

पत्नी (गुस्से में):
मैं काम करू या बच्चे संभालू,
मैं इसे दहेज़ में नहीं लायी थी, खुद ही चुप करा लो।

पति : फिर रोने दे…
मैं कौनसा इसे बारात में लेकर गया था..:)

Maansik Shanti ke liye Salah – Hindi Joke

मानसिक शांति हेतु सलाह –

शब्द से शब्द बढ़ता है

फिर वादविवाद होता है

जिससे मन पर बहुत बुरा असर पड़ता है

इसीलिये जहाँ तक हो सके…

सारी बातें मारपीट से ही सुलझाने का प्रयास करें !!

Funny Santa joke – Spelling of Burlington

संता : जल्दी से यहाँ एक 108 एम्बुलेंस भेज दीजिये,

मेरे दोस्त को एक गाडी ने टक्कर मार दी है।
उसके नाक से और कान से खून बह रहा है। शायद

उसकी टांग भी टूट गयी है।

ऑपरेटर : आप किस जगह पर हैं
कृपया वो बता दीजिये।

संता : बर्लिंगटन चौराहे पर।

ऑपरेटर : आप मुझे बर्लिंगटन चौराहे की स्पेलिंग
बता दीजिये?

(आगे से कोई आवाज़ नहीं आई।)

ऑपरेटर : सर क्या आप को मेरी आवाज़ आ रही है?

(दूसरी तरफ से अभी भी कोई आवाज़ नहीं आई।)

ऑपरेटर : सर प्लीज, जवाब दीजिये, क्या आप मुझे
सुन रहे हैं?

संता : हाँ- हाँ मैं उसे घसीट कर
नाका चौराहे पर ले आया हूँ। आप नाका की स्पेलिंग
लिखो।. NAKA 😜😜😜😜😜😂😂😂😂👏👏

Funny Indian Women Joke

😁
🌊 स्कूटी मेकेनिक :

मैडम : इंजन में आयल नहीं है…
ब्रेक भी ठीक से काम नहीं कर रहे हैं…
.
👸 महिला :

ये छोटे मोटे प्रॉब्लम तो होते रहते हैं…
तुम बस  Mirror ठीक कर दो…
💁😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Boy’s Funny Proposal To A Girl

Whatsapp english jokes

A boy went to propose a girl

Boy : Hey baby, I love u..!! Will you marry me?
Girl : What’s ur status??
Boy : I m the owner of my own big village and I have 1 security,own army,gold mine and wine
Girl : Love you 2 honey. yes Yes

After marriage…
Girl asked the boy where is your village…

And the Boy opens Clash of Clans

 

Intelligent Husband’s Reply To Wife

Whatsapp jokes english

Wife was busy in packing her clothes.

Husband – Where are you going ?

Wife – I’m moving to my mother.

Husband also starts packing his clothes.

Wife – Now where are you going ?

Husband – I’m also moving to my mother.

Wife – And what about the kids ?

Husband – Well I guess …
If you are moving to your mother and I’m moving to my mother …
They should move to their mother.

.

Clothes unpacked. 😀 😛

 

Best Insurance jokes | Funny Insurance jokes

Rad the collection of the best  funniest insurance jokes Insurance Jokes, Insurance Joke, Joke about Insurance, Insurance Agent jokes, Insurance is not normally a laughing matter and jokes.

Funny Insurance Jokes

One day, an American life insurance company received a letter from a lady saying that unfortunately they have to cancel her husband’s life insurance policy. ‘We always paid it in time’, she wrote, ‘but since my dear husband’s sudden death last year we have had some financial hardship; therefore, we would like not to pay it anymore’.


Life insurance agent to would-be client:

“Don’t let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonight. If you wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know.”


You ought to feel highly honored,” said the businessman to the life insurance agent, “so far today I have had my secretary turn away seven insurance agents.”

“Yes, I know,” replied the agent, “I’m one of them.”


A life insurance agent was completing an application and got to the part on health history. He asked his client how his grandfather died.

Funny Insurance Jokes
A Life Insurance agent decides to take a good friend with him to the horse race track and enjoy the afternoon. When he returns home his wife asks, “How was your day, did you make any money.”

He replies back “Well, I didn’t make any money today, but my client sure learned how gambling with the numbers certainly doesn´t pay off.”


Funny Insurance Jokes

Statue

An insurance agent went to a museum and he accidentally hit a statue.

Museum Administrator: “That’s a 500-year-old statue you’ve broken!”

Insurance agent: “Thank God! I thought it was a new one.”


Happy boss

A happy insurance boss says to his employees, “You worked very hard this year. As a reward, I’ll give everyone a check for $5,000. If you work with the same zeal next year, I’ll sign those checks.”


The underwriter & his wife

Underwriter’s wife: “You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?”

Underwriter: “When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.”

Underwriter’s wife: “You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?”

Underwriter: “Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, ‘What other problem can there be greater than this one?'”


 Woman, man & insurance

These two jokes are compliments of students in CE seminars:

Question: Do you know what a woman and insurance have in common?

Answer: They are both expensive, difficult to understand and what you get is not guaranteed.

Question: Do you know the difference between a man and a whole life policy?

Answer: A whole life policy eventually matures

 


Funny Insurance Jokes

“Do you know the present value of your husband´s policy?” the life insurance salesman asked his client.

“What do you mean?” countered the woman.

“If you should lose your husband, what would you get?” asked the salesman.

The woman thought a minute, then brightened up and said, “Probably a poodle.”


 

That awkward moment when you deliver a highly rated life insurance policy…

“Whenever I deliver a highly rated life insurance policy, I remind the insured that while the premium may be higher, given their health, they won’t pay nearly so long! Then I smile and chuckle a bit, they chuckle too, and they accept the policy. Deep down, pretty much all people know what their health status really is … so don’t let ‘em blow smoke at you.”


Introverts vs. extroverts, and one correction

“What’s the difference between an introverted actuary and an extroverted actuary? An introverted actuary looks at his shoes when he talks to you. An extroverted actuary looks at your shoes . . .”

To which another reader commented: “Oldest joke in the book except it is the difference between an actuary and an accountant.” – Never gets old


The real question is: Can your wife really get remarried?

“I was trying to deliver a life insurance policy to a fella who kept insisting to me that his wife could always get remarried. Finally, I blurted out ‘have you looked at her lately?’ He took the policy …”

 

 

 

 

 

Gabbar Joke गब्बर और लादेन नर्क मेँ

एक बार गब्बर और लादेन नर्क मेँ टहल

रहे थे…
^_-
तभी उन्हे एक STD दिखी तो उन्होने
सोचा क्यु ना अपन अपने मुल्क मेँ फोन करके मुल्क के
हालात जाने जायेँ…
*.*
पहले गब्बर ने भारत मेँ फॉन किया
और दस मिनट तक
बात करके देश के हालात जाने…
‘-‘
फिर उसने STD का बिल पुछा ?
STD संचालक ने कहा :-दो हजार रुपये
गब्बर ने तुरंत दो
हजार रुपये का भुगतान कर दिया…
अब बारी लादेन की थी…
उसने भी अपने मुल्क पाकिस्तान मेँ फोन लगाया और करीब दो घंटे तक
अपने
देश के हालात के बारे मेँ फोन पे बात
की ……
आखिर लादेन ने भी बात खत्म करके STDसंचालक से बिल
पुछा ?
लादेन : कितने पेसे हुए…??
STD वाला : जी कोइ चार्ज नहि
लादेन : क्योँ ? ?
.
.
.
STD वाला : अबे नर्क से नर्क फ्री है…!

Husband Wife Jokes in Hindi

Husband Wife Jokes in Hindi

Best husband wife jokes list

 

  • डॉ. :आज कैसी तबियत है आपकी पत्नी की ?
    पति: ठीक है डॉक्टर;सुबह तो थोडा लड़ी भी !!😂😂😂
    😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉
  • 😄एक आदमी ने अपनी बीवी को सुनामी की लहरो में खो दिया,
    एक दिन समुन्दर किनारे खड़ा था..!
    लहर उसके पैरो को छू रही थी..!
    अचानक वह बोल पड़ा :-
    देखो समुन्दर भाई कितने भी पैर पकड़ो मैं अपनी बीवी को वापिस लेने वाला नहीं हूँ तुम्हारी गलती थी अब तुम ही निपटो ..!😜
    😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
  • बीबी : चलो ना आज कही घूमने चलते है, और हा ड्राइविंग में करुँगी….!!
    पति- Wow…!!! मतलब जायेंगे कार में,, और आएंगे कल के अख़बार में….😜😜😜😜😜
  • Wife (लम्बे झगड़े के बाद) 😡 …अब वो ‘तीन जादुई शब्द’ बोलो..
    Husband: I love u 🌹
    Wife : नहीं, 😡 ये नहीं ।
    Husband : I like u 😜
    Wife : फिर गलत 😡😡 ये वे ‘तीन शब्द’ नही है।
    Husband : I miss u 😃
    Wife : अब और गुस्सा मत दिलाओ मुझे…सही शब्द बोलो 😡😡😡
    Husband – “मेरी गलती थी” 😔😩😖
    😆😆😜😜😂😂
    Wife :YES
  • एक आदमी की पत्नी मर गयी…. शोकसभा में आये एक दोस्त ने पुछा की ये सब कैसे हो गया ?
    पहला दोस्त : क्या बताऊँ यार अच्छी भली चाय पी रही थी कि अचानक …..
    दूसरा दोस्त : वो वाली चाय की पत्ती और बची है क्या ?

Husband Wife Jokes in Hindi , pati patni jokes , hindi jokes

 

  • एक आदमी के फ़ोन पर अनजान नंबर से कॉल आया ।
    📞लड़की – क्या आप शादीशुदा हैं ?
    आदमी – नहीं, पर आप कौन हो ।
    लड़की – तुम्हारी बीवी, आज घर आना फिर बताउंगी ।
    📱
    थोड़ी देर बाद फिर अनजान नंबर से कॉल आया ।
    ☎
    लड़की – क्या आप शादीशुदा हो ?
    आदमी – हाँ, पर आप कौन ?
    लड़की – तुम्हारी गर्लफ्रेंड, धोकेबाज़ ।
    आदमी – सॉरी यार, मुझे लगा मेरी बीवी है ।
    लड़की – बीवी ही हूँ कुत्ते, आज तो बस तू घर आजा ।🔫 🔪 💣 ⚡ 💥 😜 😂 😆 😎
  • पत्नी पति से – 😊 जी आपको याद है कि जब आप मुजे देखने आऐ थे तब मैने किस रंग की साडी पहनी थी…?? 😉
    पति -नही…😰
    पत्नी – ईस का मतलब की आप मुझसे प्यार नहीं करते…😔
    पति – अरे एसी बात नहीं है…😐
    जब कोई पटरी पर लेटने जाता है तब वो ये थोड़ी देखता है की ट्रेन शताब्दी है या ऐक्सप्रेस…😜😂😜😝😛
  • पति पेप्सी को सामने रख के उदास बैठा था…😔
    पत्नी आयी और पेप्सी पी गयी और बोली आज आप उदास क्यू है? 😪
    पती :- आज तो दिन ही खराब है! 😐
    सुबह तुमसे झगडा हो गया , रास्ते में कार ख़राब हो गयी…😣
    ऑफिस लेट पहुँचा! बॉस ने नोकरी से निकाल दिया..😔
    अब सुसाइड करने के लिए पेप्सी में जहर मिलाया था..वो भी तुम पी गयी…😞 😂😅😜😜😂😂

 

Best Husband Wife Jokes in Hindi , pati patni jokes , hindi jokes

Husband wife jokes are read by almost all husbands around the world, to keep the quarrels with their wives on a funny side. Husband wife relationship is the best in the world, created by the almighty god, but sometimes there are very funny moments or events between them

 

  • संजू अपने ससुराल में गुरुजी का प्रवचन सुनने गया !
    गुरुजी बोले, “जो-जो स्वर्ग जाना चाहता है, वह अपना हाथ ऊपर करे”!
    संजू की बीवी और सास ने हाथ ऊपर उठाया !
    गुरूजी ने संजू जी से पूछा, “क्या तुम स्वर्ग नहीं जाना चाहते?”
    संजू,”गुरुजी, यह दोनों चली जायेंगी तो यही पर स्वर्ग हो जायेगा…”
  • पति और पत्नी में जगडा हो जाता है तब…
    पत्नी : मैं अपने माईके चली जाऊँगी ।
    पति : अहो भाग्य हमारे !
    पत्नी : बाद में तुम्हें हैरान करने वाला कोई नहीं होगा…
    पति : अहो भाग्य हमारे !
    पत्नी : में Suicide कर लूंगी…
    पति : अहो भाग्य हमारे !
    पत्नी : बाद में मुझे याद कर आँसू बहाओंगे ।
    पति: जैसा भाग्य हमारा… !
    पत्नी : जाओ.. सभी बातों में तुम्हारा अच्छा भाग्य हो, तो में Suicide नहीं करती !
    पति : दुर्भाग्य हमारे…

 

  • पति सोफे पर सो रहा था…पत्नी ने पति को सर पे डंडा मारा
    पति… क्यों मारा यार!
    पत्नी… तुम्हारे पॉकेट से एक पर्ची मिली जिसपर ‘जूली’ लिखा था
    पति… अरे यार वो रेस की घोड़ी है पिछले सन्डे रेस खेलने गया था।
    पत्नी… सॉरी।
    चार दिन बाद जब पति घर में घुसा… तो भड़ से फिर से डंडा पड़ा
    पति… अब क्यों मारा !!!
    पत्नी… घोड़ी का फोन आया था
  • पति : दुबई जा रहा हूँ
    पत्नी : मैं भी आती हूं… मुझे ज्वेलरी लेनी है ।
    पति : सिंगापुर जा रहा हूँ ।
    पत्नी : मैं भी आती हूं.. मुझे कोस्मेटिक्स लेनी है।
    पति : लंदन जा रहा हूँ
    पत्नी : मैं भी आती हूं … मुझे परफ़्यूम लेनी है।
    पति ( चिढ़कर ) : नर्क जा रहा हूँ ।
    पत्नी : भगवान का दिया सब कुछ है, बस अपना ख़्याल रखना ।

 

Best Husband Wife Jokes in Hindi , pati patni jokes , hindi jokes

Whatsapp Group Jokes – Funny Whatsapp Group Jokes

Whatsapp Group Jokes – Here very funny Group Member Jokes in Hindi, Whatsapp Group funny Jokes, Group Jokes, Whatsapp Jokes

हिंदी हमारी मातृभाषा हैं,पितृभाषा क्यों नहीं ?

क्योकि माताजी ने

पिताजी को कभी बोलने

ही नहीं दिया …..

😷😷😷😷😷😷
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
Whatsapp Group Jokes

शौहर किसे कहते हैं…
जिसके सभी शौक हर लिए जाऐं

उसे शौहर कहते हैं…😭:'(😷
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
शादीशुदा मर्द उदास होता है

तो यार दोस्त पूछते ही है ,क्या हुआ ,
जवाब होता है,

यार कुछ नहीं तेरी भाभी से “कहासुनी” हो गई ….
जबकि “कहा” कुछ नही होता,

सिर्फ “सुनी” होती है …..😄😜🎈
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
ये लडकिया चाहे कितना भी सलमान

खान

विराट कोहली पे मरती हो

अंत में

इनकी शादी किसी

.

.

.

.

.

.

जेठालाल से ही होनीहै😆😆😝😝😂😂
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
Whatsapp Group Jokes

खुद को कर बुलंद इतना कि

हिमालय की चोटी पर जा पहुँचे

और खुदा तुमसे पूछे

अबे गधे, अब उतरेगा कैसे?
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
मौत और मोहब्बत तो बस नाम से बदनाम

है ..!!

असली दर्द तो slow internet देता है .😛😛😛in😛

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

Whatsapp Group Jokes

               यदि 

   आप अपने घर में 

     “शेर” बनकर रहेंगे 

      तो निश्चयः ही

       आपकी पत्नी 

       “दुर्गा” बनकर 

           आप पर 

       सवारी करेगी, 
           किन्तु 

   यदि आप अपने 

घर में “नारायण” बनकर

        रहेंगे तो 

  निश्चय ही आपकी 

  पत्नी लक्ष्मी  बनकर 

     साथ रहेगी। 

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖_

Whatsapp Group Jokes

👉इंसान का दिमाग 24 घंटे काम करता है…!!

👉सिर्फ वह दो बार ही बंद हो जाता है..,,
☝पहला exam के समय

☝ और दूसरा बीवी पसंद करते समय..

Whatsapp Group Jokes

आज पड़ोसन से कहासुनी हो गई। कह के गई, ” दम है तो अकेले में आकर मिलो” . . . . . तब से दिल बेचैन है, साली धमकी दे गई या ऑफर।

English Whatsapp #Jokes 2016

2017 English Whatsapp Jokes , Funny WhatsApp Jokes in English, best collection of  WhatsApp Jokes in English, English Whatsapp #Jokes

Funny English Joke: The Ugliest Baby

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, “Ugh! That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”

The woman stalks off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says, “You go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

Funny English Joke: Before the problems start!

A man walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer before the problems start!”

He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, “Give me a beer before the problems start!”

The bartender looks confused but gives him another beer.

This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, “When are you going to pay for these beers?”

The man answers, “Now the problems start!”

 

Funny English Joke:  Twins

 

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ‘Amal.’

The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan’. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, ”But they are twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

Couple in a Restaurant – English Joke

Husband and wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant…

As the food was served, Husband said:
“The Food looks delicious, let’s eat.”

Wife: Honey.. You say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That’s at home sweetheart… Here the chef knows how to cook.

Wife wants to relax today!

Wife:
Today, I want to relax,
so I have brought three movie tickets.

Husband: why three tickets?

Wife: you and your parents. 😀

 

Two men are discussing their lives. One says, “I’m getting married. I’m sick of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear.” The other one says, “Hey, I’m getting divorced for the same reasons.”


Accidents outside work place

Employee: Boss, I’ve got married. Can I get a pay rise?

Boss: We do not compensate for the accidents that happen outside of the work place.


English Joke: Wife Wanted

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.” Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”


The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
————————-
Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.
————————-
A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, “Bow-wow!” The cat ran away. “What was that, Father?” asked Baby Mouse. “Well, son, that’s why it’s important to learn a second language.”
————————-
My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him “What was the name of his other leg?”
————————-
The doctor to the patient: ‘You are very sick’
The patient to the doctor: ‘Can I get a second opinion?’
The doctor again: ‘Yes, you are very ugly too…’
————————-
A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.”
The doctor asks, “What do you mean?”
The man says, “When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee – OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.”
The doctor says, “I know what’s wrong with you – you’ve broken your finger!”
————————-
Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.
————————-
Patient: Doctor! You’ve got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
Doctor: Next please!
————————-
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”

One boy answers, “We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.”

“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher, “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.”

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
————————-
Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it.
Waitress: Oh, that’s okay. The soup isn’t hot.

English Whatsapp Jokes , Funny WhatsApp Jokes in English, best collection of  WhatsApp Jokes in English

“No I just wanted to make sure u got my 1st message.”

Husband sent a text to wife at night,
“Hi I will get late, plz try and wash all my dirty clothes
And make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return.”
He sent another text, “I forgot to tell u that I got an increase in
My salary at the end of month I’m getting u a new car”
She text back, “Omg really?”
Husband Replied: “No I just wanted to make sure u got my 1st msg.”

 

A man is in a hotel lobby – English Joke

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, “Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.” She replies, “if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 1221.”

 

A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, “Honey, if I died would you get married again?” The husband said, “No sweetie.” The woman said, “I’m sure you would.” So the man said, “Okay, I would” Then the woman asked, “Would you let her sleep in our bed?” And the man replied, “Ya, I guess so.” Then the wife asked, “Would you let her use my golf clubs?” And the husband replied, “No, she’s left handed.”

Top Funny Jokes for English

 

Husband brings the child home from kindergarten and asks his wife, “He’s been crying the whole way home. Isn’t he sick or something?” “No,” replies the wife, “he was just trying to tell you he isn’t our son John”

 

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site.”

 

As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife. She turns over and says, “I’m sorry, honey. I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh.” The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. “Do you have a dentist appointment, too?

English Whatsapp Jokes , Funny WhatsApp Jokes in English, best collection of  WhatsApp Jokes in English

 

On their 25th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Joseph was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. “Tell us Joseph, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?” Joseph responds, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single.”

 

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.” Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”

 

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”