Funny Alcohol One Liners

  • Funny Alcohol One Liners, Funny Drinking SayingsFunny alcohol one-liners! Large collection of best alcohol one-line jokes and Sayings about alcohol
    • A person has to have a warm heart and a cold beer.
    • After the weekend the most difficult task is to remember names…
    • Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
    • Alcohol not only expands the blood vessels but also communications.
    • Alcohol not only helps to make new acquaintances, but also end the old once.
    • All the problems fade before a hangover
    • By the cup of Nescafé even the most secret thoughts turn into words, and by the bottle of vodka – into actions.
    • Cocktail ‘Three piglets’: buy a box of vodka and invite two friends.
    • Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer… I saw the video… we need to talk.
    • Don’t forget that alcohol helps to remove the stress, the bra, the panties and many other problems.
    • Don’t drink while driving – you will spill the beer.
    • Drink to make other people more interesting.
    • First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
    • He was in a pub when he proposed. It was very romantic – he got up on one knee.
    • Heading out for drinks, bail money’s on top of the fridge.
    • I am not an alcoholic. I simply enjoy living in liquid medium.
    • I became a vegetarian – switched to weed.
    • I got drunk last night and my house wasn’t where I left it.
    • I know my limits: if I fell down it means enough.
    • I say NO to the drugs, but they won’t listen.
    • I used to drink all brands of beer. Now, I am older Budweiser!
    • If only I knew that I will have this headache today, I would have got drunk yesterday.
    • If you see me with a water bottle, there’s probably vodka in it
    • If you wet your feet your throat will reject. If you ‘wet’ your throat your feet will reject.
    • If you wet your feet your throat will reject. If you ‘wet’ your throat your feet will reject.
    • I’m not an alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, but I already have one.
    • I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
    • In principle, I can stop drinking, the thing is – I don’t have such a principle.
    • In vino veritas, in vodka spirits.
    • In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
    • It’s better to be a worldwide alcoholic, than an Alcoholic Anonymous.
    • It’s better to have business with a drunk professional than a sober idiot.
    • My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy… so I got drunk.
    • No! for the last time stop asking if i am drunk. I am not drunk! Who would name their kid drunk?
    • One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday – eight hours.
    • Smoking is a slow death! But we’re not in a hurry…
    • Smoking is harmful, drinking is disgusting and to die young is a pity.
    • Temples are free to enter but still empty. Pubs charge to enter, but are full. People ignore inner peace &choose to pay for self destruction
    • Tequila is a good drink: you drink it and you feel like a cactus; the only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow inward.
    • Tequila is a good drink: you drink it and you feel like a cactus; the only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow inward.
    • That one liner ‘i’m not drinking too much tonight’ never goes as planned…
    • The speed of light is when you take out a bottle of beer out of the fridge before the light comes on.
    • There are a lot of female hormones in beer. When I drink five bottles I also can’t drive a car and start behaving illogically.
    • There are drunk bikers. There are old bikers. There are NO old, drunk bikers.
    • To a young housewife: remember that a small bottle of vodka not only will decorate the table but also will hide your cooking mistakes.
    • Transitional age is when during a hot day you don’t know what you want – ice cream or beer.
    • Trust me, you can dance! Vodka.
    • Unfortunately, but sometimes a woman can’t find herself a man. She doesn’t like the drunken ones, and the sober ones doesn’t like her.
    • Vodka is our enemy. But who said that we are afraid of our enemies?!
    • We must pay for the mistakes of our youth… at the drugstore.
    • We never knew he was a drunk… until he showed up to work sober.
    • What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks
    • What’s the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.
    • Why is there so much blood in my alcohol system?
    • You can consider yourself lucky in life, if the cognac you drink is older than the woman that you’re sleeping with.
    • You won’t break our will: we drank, we are drinking and we will drink.
    • You won’t drink away the alcoholism.