Hindi Joke: Chalaak Buddha aur Sharab ka Bar – Hindi Chutkula

Hindi Joke: Chalaak Buddha aur Sharab ka Bar – Hindi Chutkula

शराब के उस बार के सामने एक छोटा सा तालाब था।

झमाझम बारिश हो रही थी और
उस बारिश में पूरा भीगा हुआ एक बुजुर्ग आदमी एक छड़ी पकड़े था
जिससे बँधा धागा तालाब के पानी में डूबा हुआ था।

एक राहगीर ने उससे पूछा: “क्या कर रहे हो बाबा ?”

बुजुर्ग: “मछली पकड़ रहा हूँ।”

राहगीर बारिश में भीगे उस बुजुर्ग को देख बहुत दुखी हुआ, बोला:
“बाबा, मैं बार में व्हिस्की पीने जा रहा हूँ।
आओ तुम्हें भी एक पैग पिलाता हूँ।
ऐंसे तो तुम्हे सर्दी लग जायेगी। आओ अंदर चलें। ”

बार के गर्म माहौल में बुजुर्ग के साथ व्हिस्की पीते महाशय ने बुजुर्ग से पूछा:
“हाँ तो, बाबा, आज कितनी मछलियाँ फसीं ?”

बुजुर्ग बोला” तुम आठवीं मछली हो, बेटा! “

 

Ramu Naukar Best Hindi WhatsApp Jokes

Ramu Naukar Best Hindi WhatsApp Jokes 

रामू जिस घर में काम करता था, उस घर के मालिक की व्हिस्की की बोतल से एक-दो पैग चुराकर पी लेना और फिर उतना ही पानी बोतल में मिला देना, उसकी आदत थी।मालिक को उसपर शक था लेकिन फिर भी उसने कुछ नहीं कहा।

लेकिन जब ये रोज की ही बात हो गई तो एक दिन जब मालिक अपनी पत्नी के साथ ड्राइंग रूम में बैठा था, उसने वहीं से अपने नौकर रामू को जोर से आवाज लगाई जो किचन में खाना बना रहा था।

मालिक(चिल्लाकर)—” रामू….”

रामू(किचन से)—” हाँ….मालिक ? ”

मालिक—” मेरी बोतल से किसने व्हिस्की निकालकर पी और फिर पानी मिला दिया है ? ”

किचन से कोई जवाब नहीं मिला।

मालिक ने फिर अपना प्रश्न दोहराया लेकिन कोई जवाब नहीं मिला।

मालिक बेहद गुस्से में किचन में पहुँचा और रामू पर चिल्लाया—” ये क्या हो रहा है ? मैंने जब तेरा नाम लिया तो तूने जवाब दिया लेकिन जब मैंने फिर कुछ पूछा, फिर दोबारा पूछा तो तू जवाब नहीं दे रहा। क्यों ?? ”

रामू—” वो ऐंसा है मालिक, कि, इस किचन में आपको आपका सिर्फ नाम ही सुनाई देता है, और कुछ नहीं। ”

मालिक—” ये कैसे संभव है ? ठीक है, मैं तुझे गलत साबित करता हूँ। तू जा और ड्राइंग रूम में मालकिन के पास जाकर मुझे आवाज लगा और फिर कुछ और भी पूछ। मैं यहाँ किचन में सुनता हूँ। ”

रामू ड्राइंग रूम में मालकिन के पास गया और वहाँ से मालिक को पुकारा—” मालिक…..”

मालिक( किचन से )—” हाँ….. रामू ? ”

रामू—” अपने घर की नौकरानी को मोबाइल किसने दिलाया ? ”

किचन से कोई जवाब नहीं मिला।

रामू ने अगला प्रश्न किया,

रामू—” और फिर नौकरानी के साथ लांग ड्राइव पर कौन गया था ? ”

कोई जवाब नहीं।

मालिक किचन से ड्राइंग रूम में आया और बोला,

मालिक—” तू सही बोल रहा है रामू।

अगर कोई किचन में हो तो उसे पुकारा गया अपना नाम ही बस सुनाई देता है और कुछ नहीं। अजब चमत्कार है , भाई..!!! “

Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.

Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I would like to buy this small TV,” he told the salesman. “Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars,” he replied.

He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman “I would like to buy this TV.” “Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars,” Salesman replied. “Damn, he recognised me,” he thought.

He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour, new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days, saw the salesman again. “I would like to buy this TV.” “Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars,” he replied.

Frustrated, he exclaimed, “How do you know I’m a Sardar?” “Because that’s a microwave,” he replied. !Smile

Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object

Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, “What is that shiny object?” The clerk replies, “That is a Thermos flask.”

The Sardar asks, “What does it do?” The clerk responds, “Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.” The Sardar says, “I’ll take it!” The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos. His Sardar boss sees him and asks, “What is that shiny object with you?”

He said, “It’s a Thermos flask.” The boss asks, “What does it do?” He replies, “Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.” The boss said, “Wow, what do you have in it?” The Sardar replies, “Two cups of coffee and a coke.”

Just Jokes

  • A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer,, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office”? “I give it to them,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill”. The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer. Open-mouthed smile

 

  • Once a preacher was preaching on the theme: I am coming – The final coming of Christ. The church was full and some people were even seated right in front of the pulpit. Unfortunately, at times the priest suffered from memory loss. At one point, he spoke in the person of Christ: “I am coming!” but just then his memory failed him. He couldn’t proceed. He repeated, “I am coming! But still no success. To hide his embarrassment, he hit the railing of the pulpit and shouted once again “I am coming!”. to the horror of al, the railing gave way, and he landed in the lap of a lady sitting below. As the priest apologized to her, she excused him saying: Father, it is not at all your fault. I should have been more careful. In fact you said three times ‘I am coming’.

 

  • A dieticians was addressing a large audience in Chicago. “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode our stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have, or probably will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?” A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, “The Wedding cake.”

 

  • A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that “JONAH” was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”. The teacher asked, “What if JONAH went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.

 

  • A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year old. After explaining the commandment to “HONOR” thy Father and thy mother,” she asked, “is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

 

  • An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. “How did that happen?” gasped her mother. “It wasn’t easy,” admitted the young lady, “but three girls helped me catch him.”

 

  • A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. “How did you know?” his mother asked. “Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied. “I think it’s printed on the bottom.”

 

  • The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grownup and say, ‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or, ‘that’s Michael. He’s a doctor.” A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher. She’s dead.”

 

  • A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.” “Yes,” the class said. “Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn’t run into my feet?” A little fellow shouted, “Cause your feet aren’t empty

 

  • Paul: I am late, teacher, I overslept.

         Teacher: what? You mean to say you sleep at home also?

         Teacher (to parent): Rahul is naughty and deserve punishment.

         Parent: Please do not punish Rahul, he is very sensitive. Just slap the boy next to him-he will get the message.

  • On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?” At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: “How much for a season pass?”

 

  • The Lord got so tired of a certain man’s prayers that He appeared to him one day and said: “I have decided to give you any three things you ask for. After that I won’t give you anything else.” Happily the man made his first petition at once. He asked that his wife should die so that he could marry a younger woman. His petition was granted. But when his friends gathered for the funeral, they began to recall all the good qualities of his wife, and the man realized that he had made a terrible mistake. So he asked the Lord to bring her back to life. He did that left the man with only one petition left. He was determined not to make a mistake this time, because he would have not chance to correct it. He consulted wisely. Some of his friends told him to ask for immortality. But others said: “What good is immortality if you don’t have good health? And of what use is good health, if you have no money? And of what use is money, if you have no friends?” Years passed, and he could not make up his mind what he should ask for: life or health or power or love. Finally, he said to the Lord: “Please advise me what to ask for.” The Lord laughed and said: “Ask to be contented no matter what life brings you.”

 

  • A policeman stopped the parish priest who was riding through the town at night on a bicycle without light. “I’m sorry. Father, but the fine is Rs 5/- said the policeman. “But, my son,” protested the priest, “nothing can happen to me, for the Lord is travelling with me”. “What, exclaimed the policeman, “two people on the same bicycle? Then, Rs. 10/-, please”.

 

  • The parish priest always preached very long and very loud. Nobody had the courage to confront him except the big-mouth of the town. She goes to him to complain: “Father, you preach so loud, I don’t see why I should come to the church at all! I can hear you even from my house!” The priest replied, “Of course, you can do it and hear my sermon thus. And when it comes to Communion, you can also receive it staying in your house – you’ve got a such a long tongue!”

 

  • Sardarji is buying a TV. “Do you have colour TVs?” “Sure.” “Give me a green one, please.”

         Sardarji calls Air India. “How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?” “Just a sec,” says the rep. “Thank you.” says Sardar and hangs up.

        Sardarji is filling up a job application. He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED. After much thought he writes: Yes.

      Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes, if you bring me a pair of crocodile

 

Read Best Hindi Jokes, Funny Hindi Jokes

Read Best Hindi Jokes, Funny Hindi Jokes

Selfie le le re –Ashiqui ki Hadd

आशिकी की हद तो देखो

एक लड़के की गर्ल फ्रेंड मर गयी तो
उस लड़के ने चिता पर लेट कर लड़की के साथ

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सेल्फी खींच कर पोस्ट किया –
“Me with My ex girl Friend”.
at शमशान घाट – Feeling Sad…!!! with pandit ji & 14 others

 

Best Funny friendship one liners Short jokes

Discover the Best Funny friendship one liners Short jokes Check the best funny one liners – short funny sayings which you may use in your stand ups show, talking with friends, parties, informal public speeches.

    1. The difference between “Girlfriend” and “Girl Friend” is that little space in between we call the “Friend Zone”.
    2. Nothing makes you happier than your friend’s failure.
    3. Friends come and go. Enemies pile up.
    4. You don’t have to have friends; you just have to be friends with them.
    5. My friend’s friend is my friend. My friend’s girlfriend is my friend. My friend’s boyfriend is just a scum.
    6. I’m having an introvert party and you’re all not invited.There are few things I enjoy more than picking an argument with my girlfriend when she has the hiccups.
    7. Everyone has a friend who laughs funnier than he jokes
    8. I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you.
    9. A friend is like a book: you don’t need to read all of them, just pick the best ones.
    10. I would like to know when someone unfriends me on Facebook, so I could like it.
    11. It’s a pleasure to see you and another – not to see.
    12. Loneliness is when you get an e-mail but it’s from the newsgroup server.
    13. ‘Are you threatening me?’ ‘It depends, if you got scared – yes I am; if not – I’m only warning you…’
    14. I found out about you from my last nightmare.
    15. Maybe you need a ladder to climb out of my business?
    16. I like the sound of you not talking.
    17. Sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can fall together. Marilyn Monroe
    18. I’m not a Facebook status, you don’t have to like me.
    19. I don‘t care what was said about me. Just tell me why they were so comfortable to say it to you.
    20. I found your nose in my business again.
    21. Some people only gets called by their nicknames. Usually it sounds weird to even say their real name.
    22. Don’t tell a lot about yourself, behind your back will tell more interestingly about you.
    23. If you can’t get someone out of your head then maybe they’re supposed
    24. TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
    25. Friends wave red flags when you have a bad idea. Real friends pick up a camera.

     

    One Line Friendship Status for Whatsapp

     

    Here are some best lines about True friendship and friends. Friendship the strong relation between two friends. It is the relation which destiny decides you to meet each other.

     

    1. A true friend will surely find a reason to love you even when you have done something that you cannot mend….!
    1. Don’t count how many new friends you can make. Count how many old friends you can keep.
    2. The most important part about reaching the highest point in friendship.. isn’t getting to the top, it’s staying there.
    3. It’s not an achievement to make 100 friends in a year…but an achievement is when you make a friend for 100 years…!!!
    4. Friendship is not a big fire which burns all day…It’s a small lamp, that burns till the last day of life.!!!
    5. Being a friend is not just sharing a joke..a conversation, a cup of coffee or a funny story. It means sharing an honest and true part of yourself…!!!
    6. Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born…!!!
    7. There is a gift that gold cannot buy a blessing that’s rare and true… That’s the gift of a wonderful friend like the friend I have in you…!!!!
    8. A true friend is the one who knows more about you than yourself and still loves you…!!!!
    9. FRiEND in different languages… Iranian – DOST German – FREUND Herbew – CHAVERO French- AMi Pinoy – KAiBiGAN Dutch – VREND Mexican – AMiGO For me.. just simply “YOU”
    10. Friendship is not the collection of hearts but it is selection of hearts All friends are not true But true friends are very few which include YOU.
    11. If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn’t jump with them, I would be at the bottom to catch them
    12. Another month, another year. . Another smile, another tear. . Another winter and another summer too But there can never be another you.
    13. A single candle can illuminate an entire room. A true friend lights up an entire lifetime. Thanks for the bright lights of your friendship.

     

    Friendship Day Messages

    This Friendship Day honour your friends and let them know how special they are to you with a cute and heartfelt Friendship Day Message.
    If you open my heart, guess what u r gonna see? It’s U. True friends are hard to find so I kept u.

    FRIENDSHIP isn’t how U forGet but how U forGive,
    Not how U liSten but how U UnderStand,
    Not what U see but how U feel,
    and not how U Let Go but how U hold oN!!!
    HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY!!

    If u r a chocolate ur the sweetest, if u r a Teddy Bear u r the most huggable, If u r a Star u r the Brightest, and since u r my “FRIEND” u r the “BEST”!!!!!!!!!

    I thank and praise god for every memory of yours
    You are stalwart and sunshine in the valley of life
    May god continues to strengthen you with might
    May He lights your path in every alley or night
    And bless you with grace that is never ceasing.

     

    Sometimes, I forget to say hi,
    Sometimes, I even miss to reply,
    Sometimes, my message doesn’t reach you,
    But, it doesn’t mean that I forget you,
    I just giving you time to miss me!