Tag: 2016 English Whatsapp Jokes

New Funny Jokes In English English Whatsapp Jokes, Funny WhatsApp Jokes in English, best collection of  WhatsApp veg Jokes in English, English Whatsapp #Jokes Funny Jokes in English The Ugliest Baby   A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, “Ugh! That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.” The woman stalks off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, “The driver just insulted me!” The man says, “You go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you.” Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter? A: An envelope. Anna: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week. Ben: That's impossible. Whose baby? Anna: An elephant's. A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine. Officer: You were speeding. Man: No, I wasn't. Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket. Man: But I wasn't speeding. Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.) Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk? Officer: Yes, you would. Man: What if I just thought that you were? Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think. Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk! Are you guys looking for some new funny jokes in English? If yes, you are in the right place. Laughter is the best medicine for your brain and body. New Funny Jokes in English My girlfriend’s birthday is in two days. And she told me “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring”. So I bought her nothing! Difference between a beautiful night and a horror night. Beautiful night is, When you hug your teddy bear and sleep. Horror night is, When your teddy bear hugs you BACK. What is love? Love is our 7th sense that destroys all 6 sense And makes the person nonsense. Once all the engineering professors were sitting in one plane. Before the takeoff, one announcement came “This plane is made by your students” Then all the professors stood up, ran and went outside. But the principal was sitting. One guy came and asked, “are you not afraid”? Then the principal replied “I trust my students very well and I am sure the plane won’t even start”. Funny English Joke: Before the problems start! A man walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer before the problems start!” He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, “Give me a beer before the problems start!” The bartender looks confused but gives him another beer. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Now the problems start!"     Funny English Joke:  Twins   A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ‘Amal.’ The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan’. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ”But they are twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.” Couple in a Restaurant - English Joke Husband and wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant… As the food was served, Husband said: “The Food looks delicious, let’s eat.” Wife: Honey.. You say prayer before eating at home. Husband: That’s at home sweetheart… Here the chef knows how to cook. Wife wants to relax today! Wife: Today, I want to relax, so I have brought three movie tickets. Husband: why three tickets? Wife: you and your parents.   Two men are discussing their lives. One says, "I’m getting married. I’m sick of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear." The other one says, "Hey, I’m getting divorced for the same reasons." Accidents outside work place Employee: Boss, I’ve got married. Can I get a pay rise? Boss: We do not compensate for the accidents that happen outside of the work place. English Joke: Wife Wanted A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." The Perfect Son. A: I have the perfect son. B: Does he smoke? A: No, he doesn’t. B: Does he drink whiskey? A: No, he doesn’t. B: Does he ever come home late? A: No, he doesn’t. B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A: He will be six months old next Wednesday. ————————- Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet. ————————- A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, “Bow-wow!” The cat ran away. “What was that, Father?” asked Baby Mouse. “Well, son, that’s why it’s important to learn a second language.” ————————- My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith. So I asked him “What was the name of his other leg?” ————————- The doctor to the patient: ‘You are very sick’ The patient to the doctor: ‘Can I get a second opinion?’ The doctor again: ‘Yes, you are very ugly too…’ ————————- A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.” The doctor asks, “What do you mean?” The man says, “When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee – OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.” The doctor says, “I know what’s wrong with you – you’ve broken your finger!” ————————- Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in…