Beer, Wine and Alcohol Jokes Q: How does a man show he's planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of Heineken instead of one. Q: What's the difference between a prostitute and a bottle of wine? A: The older a bottle of wine is, the more you have to pay for it Q: What is a man's idea of a balanced diet? A: A Budweiser in each hand! Q: Why was Tequila invented? A: So ugly people would have a chance at having sex! Q: You know what's fun about being sober? A: Nothing Q: What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka? A: The Holy Spirit! Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol? A: Tequila Mockingbird Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a bottle of Johnny Walker? A: A guy will actually SEARCH for a bottle of Johnny Walker. Q: Why does Corona go through your system so fast? A: Because it does not have to stop to change color. Q: Why are Men like coolers? A: Load them with Budweiser, and you can take them anywhere! Unlike milk, it's okay to cry over spilled wine! Q: What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on him? A: Nothing, he just let out a little wine. Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 80? A: Four guys drinking Coors Light and watching a football game! My girlfriend is a wine connoisseur. If it's not one thing she's whining about, it's something else. Q: What does a shot of Tequila and a woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense! Q. Why did God invent Jameson whiskey? A. So the Irish would never rule the world!