Funny Husband wife joke – खिड़की के परदे लगवा दो, 

सुपर जोक्स…..
पत्नी: खिड़की के परदे लगवा दो, नया पड़ोसी मुझे बार-बार देखने

की कोशिश करता है 
पति: एक बार ठीक से देख लेने दो, वह खुद ही परदे लगवा लेगा..
😛😜😜😜😂😂😂

Hindi Jokes 

Funny Husband wife Joke -picnic bus crashed  

A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors.

Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks.

When asked he replied miserably… “My wife missed the bus”

Funny husband wife fight joke 

पती पत्नी के बीच लड़ाई हुई….

पत्नी बाजार जाके जहर लाई और खा लिया….

..

लेकिन वो मरी नही बिमार हो गई..

पति गुस्से से बोला…

.

.

.

.

सौ बार कहा है चीजें देख कर खरीदा करो,

पैसे भी गये, काम भी नही हुआ।

😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜

Funny Hindi Jokes – collection of Hindi jokes 

Papa ka beta – Hindi joke 

👨पापा – “बेटा, आजतेरी मम्मी इतनी चुप-चुप क्यों बैठी है ?”

👦बेटा – “मेरी गलती से

👨पापा – “नालायक,

ऐसा क्या किया तूने ?”

👦बेटा – “मम्मी ने लिपस्टिक

मांगी थी … मैंने गलती से ‘फेवीकिक दे

दी !!!”

👨पापा – “जुग-जुग जियो मेरे लाल …

भगवान ऐसा बेटा सबको दे

😂😝😜😝😝😝😝

Husband and Wife Shareing : Funny Hindi joke

पत्नी: क्या तुम मेरी तरह सब चीज मेरे साथ शेयर नहीं कर सकते ????😡
पति: अब क्या हुआ ??😳
पत्नी: तुम बहुत स्वार्थी हो 😪
पति: भगवान के वास्ते अब बातओ भी , हुआ क्या है ?😰
पत्नी: वो जो तुम्हारे लैप टॉप में एक फोल्डर है ” My Documents” 
तुम उसका नाम ” Our Documents” भी तो रख सकते थे न 😭

I Hate You ….

Husband wife joke Hindi अब ये भी पति की गलती है 👌

पत्नी :- 

मेरी ये समझ में नहीं आता की कई साल से मैं करवा चौथ का व्रत नहीं रख रही 

फिर भी तुम पूर्ण स्वस्थ कैसे रहे हो।
पति :- 

मैं बहुत नियम संयम से रहता हूँ इसलिए।
पत्नी :- 

मुझे बेवक़ूफ़ समझ रखा है क्या ? 

सच सच बताओ वह कौन है 

जो तुम्हारे लिए करवा चौथ का व्रत रखती है 
😀😜😛

Student teacher joke 

टीचर: तुमने कभी कोई नेक काम किया है? 

.

Harsh-हाँ सर.. एक बुजुर्ग धीरे धीरे अपने घर जा रहे थे..

मैंने कुत्ता पीछे लगा दिया… जल्दी पहुँच गया😆😂😝😜
Funny husband wife joke 

पत्नी ने ऊँगली के इशारे से पति को बुलाया..

.

पति : बोल क्या काम है !

.

पत्नी : कुछ नहीं बस ऊँगली की ताकत चेक कर रही थी !!😄😄😄😄😄😄😄

Husband and Wife fighting joke 

पति और पत्नी का ज़ोरदार झगड़ा होता है।
पति गुस्से से: तेरी जैसी 50 मिलेंगी!!!
पत्नी हंसके: अभी भी मेरी जैसी ही चाहिए!!!

😂🤣😆

Funny Hindi joke – husband wanted 

A woman wrote on her facebook status… “Husband chahiye ”
2 boys liked it and 140 women commented “mera le jaa” 😂😂
That female wrote back “kameenon maang nahin rahi….. poochh rahi hoon” 😂😂😂😂

Husband wife funny Hindi joke- Bimar pati 

पत्नी बीमार पति को डाक्टर के पास ले गयी.
डाक्टर ने कहा :

इनको अच्छा खाना दो,

हमेशा खुश रखो, घर की कोई भी प्राब्लम इनसे डिसकस ना करो,

फाल्तू की फरमाइशें करके इनकी चिंताये मत बढ़ाओ ,

तो ये छ महीने में ठीक हो जायेंगे.
रास्ते में पति ने पत्नी से पूछा:

क्या कहा डाक्टर ने ?
पत्नी बोली:

कुछ नही, अब डाक्टर ने भी जवाब दे दिया है

Funny Hindi jokes 

Funny Indian wife joke 

कल एक पत्नी ने अपने पति कोये कहकर चुप करा दिया …..

ज़्यादा होशियार मत बनो..

“जितना दिमाग तुम्हारे पास है उतना तो मेरा हमेशा ख़राब रहता है।”

Kanjoos Hydrabaadi Funny Joke 

Kanjoos Hydrabaadi Husband on a day out with Wife… 
Wife:Mereku bhouth pyaas lagri,ek paani ka bottle khareedo na…..
Husband:KFC ka Burger khaathe kya?? 
Wife:Yummmm, naam sunkar mooh mein paani aagaya..
Husband:Tho phir woich paani peele, 

bottle kaiku huna…?? 

😝😝😝😝😝.

Departure Instructions Note from Wife to Husband

I am going to My Mom’s Place for 6-7 days with kids & these are the instructions and warning for you..

1 – No need to call your friends and cousins. 

Last time I got 4 large pizza bills beneath the sofa…
2 – Don’t forget mobile on the soap holder in the bathroom like last time… 

Why would anyone need a mobile in the bathroom.??
3 – Keep your specs in the box.. 

Last time around it was found in the refrigerator.
4 – Salary already paid to maid. 

No need to be extra generous.
5 – Don’t disturb neighbors early in the morning asking if they have got newspaper or not?? 

Our newspaper vendor is different from theirs.. 

And our laundry person and milkman are also different.
6 – Your Underwear are on left side of wardrobe and on right side are kid’s…

Like last time, don’t say I was uncomfortable at work….
7 – All reports have been checked and you are alright. 

No need to go to that lady doctor again and again.
8 – My sister and Bhabhi’s birthdays have gone last month which you already attended. 

No need to go to them at midnight and wish belated happy birthday..
9 – Have cut off WiFi for 10 days. 

So sleep early….
10 – Stop smiling and being happy… 

as Mrs. Khanna, Mrs. Avasthi, Mrs. Kulkarni, Mrs. Trivedi, Mrs. Ansari, Mrs. Rastogi, Mrs. Chatteerjee… 

They all will be out of station in this period….
And last but not the least.
11 – Don’t try to be oversmart.. 

I will be back anytime without informing you. 

😜😉😂

English Whatsapp #Jokes 2016

2017 English Whatsapp Jokes , Funny WhatsApp Jokes in English, best collection of  WhatsApp Jokes in English, English Whatsapp #Jokes

Funny English Joke: The Ugliest Baby

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, “Ugh! That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”

The woman stalks off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says, “You go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

Funny English Joke: Before the problems start!

A man walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer before the problems start!”

He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, “Give me a beer before the problems start!”

The bartender looks confused but gives him another beer.

This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, “When are you going to pay for these beers?”

The man answers, “Now the problems start!”

 

Funny English Joke:  Twins

 

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ‘Amal.’

The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan’. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, ”But they are twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

Couple in a Restaurant – English Joke

Husband and wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant…

As the food was served, Husband said:
“The Food looks delicious, let’s eat.”

Wife: Honey.. You say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That’s at home sweetheart… Here the chef knows how to cook.

Wife wants to relax today!

Wife:
Today, I want to relax,
so I have brought three movie tickets.

Husband: why three tickets?

Wife: you and your parents. 😀

 

Two men are discussing their lives. One says, “I’m getting married. I’m sick of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear.” The other one says, “Hey, I’m getting divorced for the same reasons.”


Accidents outside work place

Employee: Boss, I’ve got married. Can I get a pay rise?

Boss: We do not compensate for the accidents that happen outside of the work place.


English Joke: Wife Wanted

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.” Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”


The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
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Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.
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A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, “Bow-wow!” The cat ran away. “What was that, Father?” asked Baby Mouse. “Well, son, that’s why it’s important to learn a second language.”
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My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him “What was the name of his other leg?”
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The doctor to the patient: ‘You are very sick’
The patient to the doctor: ‘Can I get a second opinion?’
The doctor again: ‘Yes, you are very ugly too…’
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A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.”
The doctor asks, “What do you mean?”
The man says, “When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee – OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.”
The doctor says, “I know what’s wrong with you – you’ve broken your finger!”
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Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.
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Patient: Doctor! You’ve got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
Doctor: Next please!
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Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”

One boy answers, “We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.”

“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher, “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.”

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
————————-
Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it.
Waitress: Oh, that’s okay. The soup isn’t hot.

English Whatsapp Jokes , Funny WhatsApp Jokes in English, best collection of  WhatsApp Jokes in English

“No I just wanted to make sure u got my 1st message.”

Husband sent a text to wife at night,
“Hi I will get late, plz try and wash all my dirty clothes
And make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return.”
He sent another text, “I forgot to tell u that I got an increase in
My salary at the end of month I’m getting u a new car”
She text back, “Omg really?”
Husband Replied: “No I just wanted to make sure u got my 1st msg.”

 

A man is in a hotel lobby – English Joke

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, “Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.” She replies, “if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 1221.”

 

A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, “Honey, if I died would you get married again?” The husband said, “No sweetie.” The woman said, “I’m sure you would.” So the man said, “Okay, I would” Then the woman asked, “Would you let her sleep in our bed?” And the man replied, “Ya, I guess so.” Then the wife asked, “Would you let her use my golf clubs?” And the husband replied, “No, she’s left handed.”

Top Funny Jokes for English

 

Husband brings the child home from kindergarten and asks his wife, “He’s been crying the whole way home. Isn’t he sick or something?” “No,” replies the wife, “he was just trying to tell you he isn’t our son John”

 

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site.”

 

As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife. She turns over and says, “I’m sorry, honey. I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh.” The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. “Do you have a dentist appointment, too?

English Whatsapp Jokes , Funny WhatsApp Jokes in English, best collection of  WhatsApp Jokes in English

 

On their 25th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Joseph was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. “Tell us Joseph, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?” Joseph responds, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single.”

 

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.” Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”

 

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”