Funny jokes: Doctors and Patients Jokes

Read Funny Doctors and Patients Jokes

Here you will find Doctor patient jokes those will make you laugh.

Funny Conversations Between Doctor and Patient

Doctor: You are in very critical condition. you are dying and you don’t have much time.
Patient: OMG, that’s terrible. How long have I got?
Doctor: 10
Patient: 10 what? days, weeks, months or years?
Doctor: 10…9…8…7…6….
Patient: !!!!!!

Wife: Doctor, my husband talking every night while he sleeping..!
Doctor: You must allow him to talk at the day times..!


 

The doctor told a patient that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. After 300 days, the patient called the doctor to report he had lost weight, but he had a problem.
Doctor : ‘What is the problem?’
Patient : ‘I am 2400 kms. from home.’
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Doctor to Patient: You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?
Patient: Yes. A Good Doctor.
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PATIENT: Na khaau, to bhook lagti hai. Na souu, to Neend aati hai. Zyada kaam karu, to thakawat hoti hai.
DOCTOR: Saari Raat Dhoop mein baitho, Theek ho jaoge.
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HUSBAND OF THE PATIENT: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
DOCTOR: When the kids are in college. . .
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Patient: Doctor, aapko yakeen hai ki mujhe Nimonia (pneumonia) hai, kyunki picchle dino ek doctor mere friend ka Namoonia ka ilaaj karta raha aur woh Typhoid se mar gaya…
Doctor: Haan! Mujhe pura yaqeen hai ki tu nimonia se hi marega…
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Patient: Doctor Sahab, main jab baat karta hu toh mujhe sirf awaaz sunaai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Doctor: Aisa kab hota hai?
Patient: Phone karte waqt…
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Patient : I always see spots before my eyes.
Doctor : Didn’t the new glasses help?
Patient : Yes, they do. Now I see the spots much clearer!!!
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Doctor to Patient : The cheque which u gave me has returned back….
Patient to Doctor: The head-ache for which you gave me medicine has also returned back….
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A Cute Nurse came 4 the interview.
Doctor: What salary do U expect?
Nurse: Rs.10,000.
Doctor was overjoyed & said: My Pleasure.
Nurse: With Pleasure its 25,000.
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Sharabi to Doctor: Kya aap meri sharab chhudva sakte ho?
Doctor: Haan, kyun nahi.
Sharabi: To police headquaters me meri 4 bottle padi hai. Please chhudwa do.
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Doctor interviewing a Nurse: What would U do in the case of a person who has eaten poisonous roots?
Nurse: Recommend a change of diet…..
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Patient: Doctor! Mujhe aisi dava dijiye ki marne ke baad main fir se zinda ho jaau….
Doctor: Ye Tel. No. lo. Ye Ekta Kapoor ka no. hai, is pe contact karo….
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Patient: Doctor Saahab! Main Khud Ko Bhagwan Samajhne Laga Hu….
Doctor: Ye Problem Tumhe Kab Se Hai…?
Patient: Jab Se Maine Ye Duniya Banayi Hai….
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Doctor: You should take at least 10 glasses of water everyday.
Patient: It is impossible.
Doctor: Why?
Patient: I have only 4 glasses at home…..
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Patient: I keep feeling like a Dog.
Doctor: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Since l was a puppy.
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Doctor: You are Very Sick.
Patient: Can I get a Second Opinion?
Doctor: Yes, Of course! You are very Ugly too…..
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Nurse : “Wake up man!”
Patient : “Why, what’s the matter?”
Nurse : “Nothing, I just forgot to give u the prescribed sleeping pills….”
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Lady Patient: Doctor! Please call my husband inside.
Doctor: Trust me, I’m a Gentleman.
Lady: No Doctor, Your Nurse is sitting outside & my husband is not a Gentleman….
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