Ek din husband apne marriage certificate ko lekar 4-5 hours tak use dekhte hue baitha hua rehta hai. Wife: kya baat hai jaan aaj app apne shadi wale din ko yaad kar rahe ho kya?? Husband : Nahi, mai to yeh dekh raha hu ke is par Expiray Date Kahan hai ☺☺☺☺☺
“ये मोबाइल हमारा है पतिदेव से भी प्यारा है” उठते ही मोबाइल के दर्शन पहले पाऊ मै। पति परमेशवर को ऐसे में बस भूल ही जाऊ मै। मध्यम आंच पर चाय चड़ाऊ मै। वोट्सअप को पढती जाऊ मै। चाय उबल कर हो गई काडा। चिल्ला रहे है पति देव हमारा। कानो में है ईयरफ़ोन लगाया। अब मैने फेसबुक है चलाया। रोटी बनाने कि बारी आई। दाल गैस पर चढा कर आई। इतने में सखी का फ़ोन आया। पार्टी का उसने संदेशा सुनाया। करने लगी बाते मैं प्यारी। इतने में भिन्डी हो गई करारी। सासूजी चबा ना पाई। मन ही मन वो खूब बडबड़ाई। ससुर जी बैठे है बाथरूम में। खत्म हो गया पानी टंकी में। कैंडी-कृश गेम में उलझ गई थी मैं। मोटर चालु करना ही भूल गई थी मैं। ग्रुप कि एडमिन बन कर है नाम बहुत कमाया। सबके घर की बहुओ को अपने ही साथ उलझाया। बच्चो की मार्कशीट के मार्क्स ही ऐसे आए। जो पति परमेश्वर के दिल को ना है भाए। उसे देख पतिदेव ने सिंघम रूप बनाया। “आता माझी सटकली” हमको है सुनाया घर का बजा रहा है बाराह। ऐसा है मोबाइल हमारा!!
Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband : Nothing. Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."
दुनिया के दो सबसे बङे घातक ओर खतरनाक हथियारो के नाम लिखो..? Ans:- 1) बीवी के ” आंसू ” और 2) पड़ोसन की ” स्माइल ” !!
Whatsapp jokes english Wife was busy in packing her clothes. Husband – Where are you going ? Wife – I’m moving to my mother. Husband also starts packing his clothes. Wife – Now where are you going ? Husband – I’m also moving to my mother. Wife – And what about the kids ? Husband – Well I guess … If you are moving to your mother and I’m moving to my mother … They should move to their mother. . Clothes unpacked. 😀 😛
Funny Haryanvi Joke - Haryanvi Joke दो आदमियों की बीवीयाँ मेले में खो गईं जिसमे से एक हरियाणा से था और एक दिल्ली से l अपनी अपनी बीवी ढूंढते हुए वो आपस में मिले..! तुम्हारी वाली की पहचान? – हरियाणा वाले ने दिल्ली वाले से पूछा. दिल्ली वाला बोला – 5’7″, गोरी, भूरी आँखें और पतली है, स्लीवलेस पिंक टीशर्ट और लाल मिनी स्कर्ट पहने है. तुम्हारी की क्या पहचान है ? हरियाणा वाला- मेरे आली कै मार गोली, चाल तेरी ढूंढते है।
पत्नि, पति से लड़ रही थी…. पति ने तंग आकर अपनी सास को मोबाइल से मैसैज किया : आपका प्रोडक्ट मेरे मुताबिक नहीं चल रहा है, इसके प्रोडक्शन में in-built कई त्रुटियाँ है जो मुझे डिलीवरी के समय नहीं बताई गई थीं अत: मैं इसे लौटाकर आप से एक्सचेंज की डिमांड करता हूँ….! सास का तुरंत बिंदुवार प्रत्युत्तर आया : वारंटी खत्म हो चुकी है रिफंड या एक्सचेंज जैसी कोई पोलिसी नहीं हैं प्रोडक्ट की परफोरमंस बेहतर करना आपके ही हाथ में हैं प्रोडक्ट को यूज करने के नियम कायदे और सावधानियाँ डिलिवरी से पूर्व आपको फेरों के समय स-विस्तार बता दिये गये थे अब वैसे भी कंपनी ने नया प्रोडक्ट बनाना बंद कर दिया हैं अतः इसी प्रोडक्ट से “Handle With Care” के साथ जीवन यापन करने की सलाह दी जाती है…! शुभेछु आपकी सास , आख़िरी सांस तक Funny Joke in Hindi , Hindi joke, Husband wife joke
शर्मा - क्यों भाई वर्मा , 2 महीने पहले तुम्हारी Nameplate पर B.A. लिखा था, और अभी M.A. लिखा है दो साल की डिग्री 2 महीने में कैसे वर्मा :- 2 महीने पहले मेरी बीवी मायके गयी तो मैंने Bachelor Again (B.A.) लिख दिया था अब मायके से वापस आ गयी है तो (M.A)Married Again लिखा है . 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜
JOKES ABOUT HUSBAND AND WIFE THE WHOLE WORLD IT`S ONLY YOU - I love you! - Prove it! - How? - Shout that you love so all the world can hear. He quietly walked over and whispered in her ear: - I love you … - Why is it so quiet and why in my ear? - Because the whole world to me - it’s only you. FOUND THE COMPROMISE Husband and wife come for consultation to psychologist. Husband : - We are always arguing. We have only one car and she wants me to drive her to work every day and then go to my office and she doesn`t want to get out of the house earlier and she wants to go to work by the car only , so I am always late. Doctor : - Try to find the compromise , for example , you drive her to work one week and the other week she drives you to the office . One week later husband comes back to the psychologist`s office. Doctor : - So,did you find the compromise? Husband : - Yes,we did , last week I was going to work by subway…… YOU`LL NEVER FIND WIFE LIKE ME Husband and wife are arguing. - You`ll never find wife like me ever again. - I will never search for one like you ever again ……. BAD VISION - Husband and wife joke Wife with a husband comes to the eye doctor office : - Doctor,my husband has a very bad vision. Please convince him to do the surgery!!! She leaves. Doctor checks guy`s eyes and realized that his vision is 100% : - Why do you pretend at home that you have a bad vision? - Doctor you just can`t imagine how tired am I for 37 years marriage to answer the questions like : “Is this dress better then the other?”, “Is this hairstyle better ?” , “Do you think I look good for that party?” , “Do you think this color of dishes is good for our kitchen?” ……. NEW HAIRSTYLE- Husband and wife joke Wife comes back from very expensive VIP hairdressing salon and asks husband : - Honey,how do you like my new hairstyle? Husband looked at wife and says : - Don`t worry it`ll grow back fast !!! DIVERSITY IN THE DAILY DIET Husband asks wife : - Why did you start making steaks different sizes ? - But,Honey,didn`t you asked for some diversity in our daily diet ?! I REALIZED THAT I AM THE VICTIM After ten years of marriage, the wife asks her husband: - Honey, are you by nature a winner or a loser? - Honey, over the years I realized that I am the victim … THE WHOLE WORLD FOR ME – IT`S ONLY YOU Husband and wife are talking : - I love you! - Prove it! - How? - Shout that you love me so the whole world can hear you. He quietly walked over and whispered in her ear: - I love you … - Why so quiet and why in the ear? - Because the whole world for me – it’s only you. WIFE DECIDED TO LOSE WEIGHT My wife decided to lose weight. She started going to the fitness classes,pool and singing lessons. You probably want to ask:”Why the singing lessons?” She just want to make herself as busy as possible,so she doesn`t have a lot of time to eat. COMPLETELY DIFFERENT INTERESTS - Husband and wife joke Husband and wife divorcing. I the court judge ask husband: - What is the reason for divorce? - Unfortunately my wife and me have completely different interests : I interested only in women, and she interested only in men… USING EAR AS AN ASHTRAY - Why do you want to divorce your wife? - She smokes in bed! - Well,that`s not a reason for divorce. - Yes,but also she likes to use my ear as an ashtray!!! YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS COMPLETE REST - Your husband needs complete rest, – doctor cays to a woman. – Here is the prescription for sleeping pills. - How often does he have to take them,doctor? - No sleeping pills are for you,so he can have rest. SHE IS IN A HURRY - Who are you talking there more than an hour? – husband asks his wife, leaning out of the window. - This is Mrs. Brown, dear. She is in a hurry, and she does not have time to visit us. HOW COME YOU CAN`T TALK Wife saying to a husband : - I need to talk to you about something very important,but I can`t because you always drunk. - How come? I am always drunk,but you are the one who can not talk? I don`t understand. LOST EACH OTHER IN A STORE Husband and wife lost each other in a big store. So husband asking very cute salesperson: - Please,can you smile to me? - Why? - If you do,my wife will appear here in a second. MY WIFE WANTS TO LOSE WEIGHT - Husband and wife joke - My wife wants to lose some weight,so she is doing a lot of horse riding. - And,what are the results? - For one week horse lost 20 pounds. NOW IT`S USELESS - One guy complain to his friend: - I don`t know what`s wrong with my wife. Every night she is coughing so bad,I can`t even sleep. - You should send her to a doctor. - Oh,now it`s useless. Tonight I am leaving to a business trip for a week. VERY IMPORTANT MATTER Wife argue with husband: - You can`t choose what car to buy almost for five months!!! And when we start dating,you proposed to me after just one week!!! - Darling,you can`t compare this kind of things. Choosing the car – it is very important matter!!! HE THINKS THAT HE IS A CHICKEN Can you imagine,my husband has an obsession!!! All the time he thinks that he is a chicken!!! – You have…
Pati-Patni dono ek party me gye! Patni: Vo jo admi daru pikar nach raha hai na, maine usee 10 sal pehle reject kar diya tha! Pati: Batayo, abhi tak jashan mana raha hai!
A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him." "Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly." "If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "He said you're going to die," she replied.